I let my kids explore their world as they see fit, picking up a twig and chewing on it to feel its rough texture, lifting the lid of the garbage can to experiment with leverage even digging into the soil and rubbing the moist earth into their clothes. I talk them through the process of what they are doing and of course intervene when they may injure or harm themselves, but in general I rarely tell them "No." Now that Eddie has two younger brothers that invade his space, steal his parents' attention and love from him and in general, push his buttons, he is acting out and of course hearing the word "No" a lot. For the past 6 months we have been managing the sibling tension, I think, quite well but keeping them separated through the usage of gates between the rooms and praising for good behavior. But lately, being summer now, I have noticed another successful tactic in managing the energies of three young boys: go outside. They need their space and what better place than in the wide open air of nature? They never fight outside (except for the occasional splash of water from the pool). Will is walking now and Clark is taking a couple steps, so jaunts to the park are made even more pleasurable and interactive. Eddie is demonstrating his innate protectiveness by telling other kids that get into Will or Clark's way, "hey, this is my brother!" I feel like a lot of the tension we experience at home come in part because of the confined space but also the need to seek out attention. When at home I am typically preoccupied with getting household work done, dishes washed, meals prepared and laundry washed and folded. I find myself directing my children's play into rooms where I see myself being able to simultaneously get things done, i.e. "let's go play downstairs with the trains!" which really means, I have to throw in a load of laundry! So I need to 1) redirect my energies to them, to their play more, 2) we need to get out more and will now that it is summer and 3) I need to employ Eddie to help more, to help with chores, to make him take ownership and responsibility for things. Oh and there is so much more I need to modify and do with regards to discipline, but here is neither the place nor space.
I am blessed. Watching my husband and three sons on the see-saw this morning, smiling in the sun, I cannot help but glow inside.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Raising Boys...Future Fathers
I suppose it is appropriate that I find time to write a post today, being Father's Day. I am raising three boys, three future fathers (at least I hope that will one day have children of their own!). After a simple but fun morning of a walk to Starbucks and then play at the park, all three boys (actually all four) are sleeping! I should be cleaning the house...this is what I typically do when I have free time and feel energized, but I have taken to reading lately. I am reading my third Michael Gurian book, entitled "The Good Son." Gurian is a therapist and educator whom specializes in male development and takes a scientific and spiritual approach, arguing that boys are biologically different than girls and hence need unique and specialized instruction in order to ensure appropriate moral development. I love his use of the word "sacred." I love his anthropological approach and arguments that make use of the terms "kinship," "honor code" and "husbandry." I am empowered by him to alter the way in which I raise my sons. It is easy for me to criticize myself, to focus on my failures and errors...and so it comes to no surprise that I feel as though I should have done some things differently, when it comes to Eddie. My eyes are finally opened to the academic reason behind discipline which he defines as "the human being's ability to devote his own physical, mental and emotional drives toward compassion." Yes, I am in charge of guiding my sons' to compassion. It is I that must teach them how to contain, manage, regulate and channel their physical and emotional energies...and I am now realizing that I did not do so properly with Eddie for his first 3 years of life.
I let my kids explore their world as they see fit, picking up a twig and chewing on it to feel its rough texture, lifting the lid of the garbage can to experiment with leverage even digging into the soil and rubbing the moist earth into their clothes. I talk them through the process of what they are doing and of course intervene when they may injure or harm themselves, but in general I rarely tell them "No." Now that Eddie has two younger brothers that invade his space, steal his parents' attention and love from him and in general, push his buttons, he is acting out and of course hearing the word "No" a lot. For the past 6 months we have been managing the sibling tension, I think, quite well but keeping them separated through the usage of gates between the rooms and praising for good behavior. But lately, being summer now, I have noticed another successful tactic in managing the energies of three young boys: go outside. They need their space and what better place than in the wide open air of nature? They never fight outside (except for the occasional splash of water from the pool). Will is walking now and Clark is taking a couple steps, so jaunts to the park are made even more pleasurable and interactive. Eddie is demonstrating his innate protectiveness by telling other kids that get into Will or Clark's way, "hey, this is my brother!" I feel like a lot of the tension we experience at home come in part because of the confined space but also the need to seek out attention. When at home I am typically preoccupied with getting household work done, dishes washed, meals prepared and laundry washed and folded. I find myself directing my children's play into rooms where I see myself being able to simultaneously get things done, i.e. "let's go play downstairs with the trains!" which really means, I have to throw in a load of laundry! So I need to 1) redirect my energies to them, to their play more, 2) we need to get out more and will now that it is summer and 3) I need to employ Eddie to help more, to help with chores, to make him take ownership and responsibility for things. Oh and there is so much more I need to modify and do with regards to discipline, but here is neither the place nor space.
I am blessed. Watching my husband and three sons on the see-saw this morning, smiling in the sun, I cannot help but glow inside.
I let my kids explore their world as they see fit, picking up a twig and chewing on it to feel its rough texture, lifting the lid of the garbage can to experiment with leverage even digging into the soil and rubbing the moist earth into their clothes. I talk them through the process of what they are doing and of course intervene when they may injure or harm themselves, but in general I rarely tell them "No." Now that Eddie has two younger brothers that invade his space, steal his parents' attention and love from him and in general, push his buttons, he is acting out and of course hearing the word "No" a lot. For the past 6 months we have been managing the sibling tension, I think, quite well but keeping them separated through the usage of gates between the rooms and praising for good behavior. But lately, being summer now, I have noticed another successful tactic in managing the energies of three young boys: go outside. They need their space and what better place than in the wide open air of nature? They never fight outside (except for the occasional splash of water from the pool). Will is walking now and Clark is taking a couple steps, so jaunts to the park are made even more pleasurable and interactive. Eddie is demonstrating his innate protectiveness by telling other kids that get into Will or Clark's way, "hey, this is my brother!" I feel like a lot of the tension we experience at home come in part because of the confined space but also the need to seek out attention. When at home I am typically preoccupied with getting household work done, dishes washed, meals prepared and laundry washed and folded. I find myself directing my children's play into rooms where I see myself being able to simultaneously get things done, i.e. "let's go play downstairs with the trains!" which really means, I have to throw in a load of laundry! So I need to 1) redirect my energies to them, to their play more, 2) we need to get out more and will now that it is summer and 3) I need to employ Eddie to help more, to help with chores, to make him take ownership and responsibility for things. Oh and there is so much more I need to modify and do with regards to discipline, but here is neither the place nor space.
I am blessed. Watching my husband and three sons on the see-saw this morning, smiling in the sun, I cannot help but glow inside.
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