I let my kids explore their world as they see fit, picking up a twig and chewing on it to feel its rough texture, lifting the lid of the garbage can to experiment with leverage even digging into the soil and rubbing the moist earth into their clothes. I talk them through the process of what they are doing and of course intervene when they may injure or harm themselves, but in general I rarely tell them "No." Now that Eddie has two younger brothers that invade his space, steal his parents' attention and love from him and in general, push his buttons, he is acting out and of course hearing the word "No" a lot. For the past 6 months we have been managing the sibling tension, I think, quite well but keeping them separated through the usage of gates between the rooms and praising for good behavior. But lately, being summer now, I have noticed another successful tactic in managing the energies of three young boys: go outside. They need their space and what better place than in the wide open air of nature? They never fight outside (except for the occasional splash of water from the pool). Will is walking now and Clark is taking a couple steps, so jaunts to the park are made even more pleasurable and interactive. Eddie is demonstrating his innate protectiveness by telling other kids that get into Will or Clark's way, "hey, this is my brother!" I feel like a lot of the tension we experience at home come in part because of the confined space but also the need to seek out attention. When at home I am typically preoccupied with getting household work done, dishes washed, meals prepared and laundry washed and folded. I find myself directing my children's play into rooms where I see myself being able to simultaneously get things done, i.e. "let's go play downstairs with the trains!" which really means, I have to throw in a load of laundry! So I need to 1) redirect my energies to them, to their play more, 2) we need to get out more and will now that it is summer and 3) I need to employ Eddie to help more, to help with chores, to make him take ownership and responsibility for things. Oh and there is so much more I need to modify and do with regards to discipline, but here is neither the place nor space.
I am blessed. Watching my husband and three sons on the see-saw this morning, smiling in the sun, I cannot help but glow inside.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Raising Boys...Future Fathers
I suppose it is appropriate that I find time to write a post today, being Father's Day. I am raising three boys, three future fathers (at least I hope that will one day have children of their own!). After a simple but fun morning of a walk to Starbucks and then play at the park, all three boys (actually all four) are sleeping! I should be cleaning the house...this is what I typically do when I have free time and feel energized, but I have taken to reading lately. I am reading my third Michael Gurian book, entitled "The Good Son." Gurian is a therapist and educator whom specializes in male development and takes a scientific and spiritual approach, arguing that boys are biologically different than girls and hence need unique and specialized instruction in order to ensure appropriate moral development. I love his use of the word "sacred." I love his anthropological approach and arguments that make use of the terms "kinship," "honor code" and "husbandry." I am empowered by him to alter the way in which I raise my sons. It is easy for me to criticize myself, to focus on my failures and errors...and so it comes to no surprise that I feel as though I should have done some things differently, when it comes to Eddie. My eyes are finally opened to the academic reason behind discipline which he defines as "the human being's ability to devote his own physical, mental and emotional drives toward compassion." Yes, I am in charge of guiding my sons' to compassion. It is I that must teach them how to contain, manage, regulate and channel their physical and emotional energies...and I am now realizing that I did not do so properly with Eddie for his first 3 years of life.
I let my kids explore their world as they see fit, picking up a twig and chewing on it to feel its rough texture, lifting the lid of the garbage can to experiment with leverage even digging into the soil and rubbing the moist earth into their clothes. I talk them through the process of what they are doing and of course intervene when they may injure or harm themselves, but in general I rarely tell them "No." Now that Eddie has two younger brothers that invade his space, steal his parents' attention and love from him and in general, push his buttons, he is acting out and of course hearing the word "No" a lot. For the past 6 months we have been managing the sibling tension, I think, quite well but keeping them separated through the usage of gates between the rooms and praising for good behavior. But lately, being summer now, I have noticed another successful tactic in managing the energies of three young boys: go outside. They need their space and what better place than in the wide open air of nature? They never fight outside (except for the occasional splash of water from the pool). Will is walking now and Clark is taking a couple steps, so jaunts to the park are made even more pleasurable and interactive. Eddie is demonstrating his innate protectiveness by telling other kids that get into Will or Clark's way, "hey, this is my brother!" I feel like a lot of the tension we experience at home come in part because of the confined space but also the need to seek out attention. When at home I am typically preoccupied with getting household work done, dishes washed, meals prepared and laundry washed and folded. I find myself directing my children's play into rooms where I see myself being able to simultaneously get things done, i.e. "let's go play downstairs with the trains!" which really means, I have to throw in a load of laundry! So I need to 1) redirect my energies to them, to their play more, 2) we need to get out more and will now that it is summer and 3) I need to employ Eddie to help more, to help with chores, to make him take ownership and responsibility for things. Oh and there is so much more I need to modify and do with regards to discipline, but here is neither the place nor space.
I am blessed. Watching my husband and three sons on the see-saw this morning, smiling in the sun, I cannot help but glow inside.
I let my kids explore their world as they see fit, picking up a twig and chewing on it to feel its rough texture, lifting the lid of the garbage can to experiment with leverage even digging into the soil and rubbing the moist earth into their clothes. I talk them through the process of what they are doing and of course intervene when they may injure or harm themselves, but in general I rarely tell them "No." Now that Eddie has two younger brothers that invade his space, steal his parents' attention and love from him and in general, push his buttons, he is acting out and of course hearing the word "No" a lot. For the past 6 months we have been managing the sibling tension, I think, quite well but keeping them separated through the usage of gates between the rooms and praising for good behavior. But lately, being summer now, I have noticed another successful tactic in managing the energies of three young boys: go outside. They need their space and what better place than in the wide open air of nature? They never fight outside (except for the occasional splash of water from the pool). Will is walking now and Clark is taking a couple steps, so jaunts to the park are made even more pleasurable and interactive. Eddie is demonstrating his innate protectiveness by telling other kids that get into Will or Clark's way, "hey, this is my brother!" I feel like a lot of the tension we experience at home come in part because of the confined space but also the need to seek out attention. When at home I am typically preoccupied with getting household work done, dishes washed, meals prepared and laundry washed and folded. I find myself directing my children's play into rooms where I see myself being able to simultaneously get things done, i.e. "let's go play downstairs with the trains!" which really means, I have to throw in a load of laundry! So I need to 1) redirect my energies to them, to their play more, 2) we need to get out more and will now that it is summer and 3) I need to employ Eddie to help more, to help with chores, to make him take ownership and responsibility for things. Oh and there is so much more I need to modify and do with regards to discipline, but here is neither the place nor space.
I am blessed. Watching my husband and three sons on the see-saw this morning, smiling in the sun, I cannot help but glow inside.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
surrounded by testosterone
I am outnumbered. The Washuk boys are keeping me on my toes with their manly aggression and intensity. The twins are, gasp, almost nine months! Their personalities are starting to shine through, and I am beginning to feel a tad concerned that I am going to have a wild bunch of boys! In the last month they have mastered sitting up unsupported, have started to eat more and more solid food (favorites are apples, avocado and yogurt) and are starting the motions of crawling. Will is by far the more aggressive, constantly stealing toys from his brother, and getting in to anything within a 5 foot radius. I leave him alone for a minute and return to find him playing with Eddie's hockey sticks and Star Wars figures. Clark has this tremendous intensity - evident in his stare and also the activity of his inactivity (when he is lying still he flexes every muscle and when he is sitting "still" he is constantly kicking and twitching). Overall he is better at sitting and playing with toys, whereas Will needs to be on the move. I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that Clark will be more fine-motor and Will gross-motor. Yes, my monozygotic, DNA-sharing twins are alike yet oh so unique. Will is more happy-go-lucky, and Clark more serious, pensive and a tad of a complainer. Clark took to eating solids better at first; now Will has 6 teeth in and he is eating more, but seems to have a harder time with textures. Coughed up his cous cous and carrots last week and just now gagged on what seemed to be a thread from a spinach leaf that sneaked thru the strainer. My life is about to get pretty maddening as they are on the cusp of crawling and the days of leaving one alone while I go put the other down for a nap seem to be near over. They are still sleeping in our room in two pack-n-plays, and we are still not getting much sleep with 2-3 wakings a night from each. In general, Will sleeps better at night; Clark better during the day. Clark has taken to sleeping in our bed with us for the last couple months. Hey, whatever works, right?
Eddie's personality is really shining through strong these days as he asserts himself as the man in the house. He tells us where we can and cannot sit, for example, pushing his Dad out of his favorite chair. He feeds himself, opening the fridge and grabbing whatever he pleases, consuming an average of 4 apples a day. His speech is improving with more and more intelligibility as he says things like "I don't think so," "I want ___, NOW! (complete with arm folding with he says now! and the ever popular "Stop!" such as "Mom, can you make the babies stop crying?" He is already quoting movie lines, to his Dad's praise. And he can sing the "Star Spangled Banner" and "Jingle Bells," Oh, the theme to Caillou is also a fav. He loves to pretend play. Right now his world is still consumed with acting out Santa and Prep & Landing elves, but he also plays Toy Story and Star Wars. He still loves his two baby dolls. They go with him everywhere - to school, Navy Pier, doctor's office, park, etc. He talks to them non stop. We now have him in speech therapy twice a week; the diagnosis is moderate articulation and phonological processing disorder. He is making great strides and likes to use the IPad in therapy...looks like we'll be buying one soon. He is also in to playing with Playdough (he pretends he's baking cookies or going to the movies and eating popcorn) and of course still obsesses about hockey. Santa brought him some new hockey figures and they are all the rage! He is anxiously anticipating some snow. He goes to school two days a week now at Creme de la Creme, from 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. and he is doing very well socially and emotionally. Academically, well, let's just say he are still working on numbers, colors and letters. Again, I am surrounded by testosterone and beginning to feel like my hopes of sitting and doing craft projects with my kids seem like pipe dreams. Jealous of those of you with daughters....but of course feel very blessed to have my boys!
Eddie's personality is really shining through strong these days as he asserts himself as the man in the house. He tells us where we can and cannot sit, for example, pushing his Dad out of his favorite chair. He feeds himself, opening the fridge and grabbing whatever he pleases, consuming an average of 4 apples a day. His speech is improving with more and more intelligibility as he says things like "I don't think so," "I want ___, NOW! (complete with arm folding with he says now! and the ever popular "Stop!" such as "Mom, can you make the babies stop crying?" He is already quoting movie lines, to his Dad's praise. And he can sing the "Star Spangled Banner" and "Jingle Bells," Oh, the theme to Caillou is also a fav. He loves to pretend play. Right now his world is still consumed with acting out Santa and Prep & Landing elves, but he also plays Toy Story and Star Wars. He still loves his two baby dolls. They go with him everywhere - to school, Navy Pier, doctor's office, park, etc. He talks to them non stop. We now have him in speech therapy twice a week; the diagnosis is moderate articulation and phonological processing disorder. He is making great strides and likes to use the IPad in therapy...looks like we'll be buying one soon. He is also in to playing with Playdough (he pretends he's baking cookies or going to the movies and eating popcorn) and of course still obsesses about hockey. Santa brought him some new hockey figures and they are all the rage! He is anxiously anticipating some snow. He goes to school two days a week now at Creme de la Creme, from 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. and he is doing very well socially and emotionally. Academically, well, let's just say he are still working on numbers, colors and letters. Again, I am surrounded by testosterone and beginning to feel like my hopes of sitting and doing craft projects with my kids seem like pipe dreams. Jealous of those of you with daughters....but of course feel very blessed to have my boys!
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