right now

Right now amidst the punches and kicks of my unborn babies I am thinking of my other baby, my Eddie. I am always thinking about him, worrying about him. The speech pathologist's words echo in my mind: "we have to honor where he is at now." His whimsy, his fervor, his whirlwind of play and babble, his neediness, his introverted shyness and even his laziness and desire to stay in his PJs late into the afternoon. There is a wide spectrum of "typical childhood development," she tells me and Eddie falls arguably within that; he is just on the slower end of the spectrum. He is just a tad immature...in many ways. This insight was shared with me weeks ago and just recently as I was putting him to bed I tried to find a new perspective on this professional affirmation of my own assessment and intuition. I was thinking that our society is in too much of a rush. We expect our kids to grow up so fast, to mature too rapidly and to develop into independent mini adults way before their time. Maybe it is a good thing that Eddie is taking his time, maybe it is a good thing that he wants to be a baby a tad longer. Maybe he will grow into a confident, secure child and adult because he was allowed to indulge in infancy. I hope this. But my concern lingers. My husband has more faith - he says he looks into Eddie's eyes and sees that he is okay, that he is smart, that he is good. I wish I could feel this secure, instead of worrying over things like why he won't pedal his bike or why he runs and hides when people come to the door. I suppose this is all part of being a parent....deep breath....as I prepare to bring two more into the world.

the 3 hour nap

Eddie has never been one for consistency when it comes to sleep, we all know this. Lately his naps are getting very inconsistent; some days he refuses a nap (it basically consists of a failure on my part to put him down effectively and so he will play in his crib for a half an hour/45 minutes or so but never sleep), most days his naps are more like 1 hour or maybe 2. But every once in awhile he simultaneously treats me and bewilders me with a 3 hour nap. Today is one of those days. He is just getting over a cold so I feel like it has been eons since he last took a good nap and I am trying to make the most out of this chunk of time but find myself getting consumed by phone calls and texts and emails and my ever-looming growling stomach that prevents me from ever getting any real solid project work done. But I did clean my oven yesterday, and I did pay to have my upholestry and rugs cleaned this morning, so I do feel somewhat productive. Pause. Take a bite of lasagna, lunch number two for me today.

32 weeks

Baby A and B are 32 weeks now. Baby A is head down and Baby B is traverse, or lying horizontally across my abdomen. They are both curled up so tight it is hard to imagine that they will be able to get any bigger, and myself as well. I weigh 190 lbs. and am getting more and more immobile. They weigh 3 lbs. 14 oz and 3 lbs 15 ozs. We brought E4 with us to the doctor's appointment because he said he wanted to see the babies. He lasted about 8 minutes in the ultrasound room and then wanted to go back in the lobby to play. He is still sweet with me and occasionally will hug my belly and say "oh babies" but he is not as obsessed with them or the idea of them as he once was. These days he is in to the movie Cars and drinking smoothies. We have been making smoothies a couple times a day and he loves them and begs for more. Baby A and B like them too. :)