1 month...almost 2

Taking a breathe as my three boys nap...contemplating lying down too, but the twins are due up soon as they have been sleeping for three hours now. Amazing how much there is I want to share...where to begin....I am tired and just tried to spell the word amazing with an "I." Clark and Will still look so different (un-identical) to me, although there are moments when they are both sleeping or when they are both feeding, resting on my breast and looking up at me with their big, powerful eyes, that I admit they do look like twins. Clark is starting to fill out more, more in the cheeks and legs, and more of a double chin; he is starting to catch up to his big brother. Hair is falling out, but what remains is brown and could at time seem curly/wavy. The new hair coming in looks blond and straight though. Hmm. Regardless, everyone who sees them do agree that they look so much like E4 did as a baby. Will's complexion is fairer than Clark's. Clark looks a little more like I did as a baby, or so claims my mother. We call him Clarkie or Clarkenwell (from this random song called "Bathtime in Clarkenville") and say that he is a gentleman, a chap, a looker and the charismatic one. Will we call Billy, Billiam, and my favorite: Wilbur. He IS my Wilbur or my Wildebeast. Will is more of the eater, lingering on the breast for hours and always rooting to indicate he wants more. Often I say he is faking it and a manipulator, because he roots when other people are holding him in order to get returned to his mom. He is a mama's boy, through and through and will often freak out when I am away. His cry seems to escalate quicker at times. But overall he often seems more chill, more at ease and can sleep longer...I dunno, the sleep thing seems to change every day. One day Will sleeps better and the next day Clark does. But they both sleep consistently well during the night, waking only 1-2 times. I am trying to transition myself from sleeping the entire night in the chair with them, to sleeping some of the night in the bed. For the last two nights we have successfully started them off in their bed from 9 - 1 a.m. Then I feed them in the chair and either we stay there or we try to put them back down and sometimes they end up back in our bed with us. Clark hiccups a lot. Clark stares into your soul. He wakes up happy, doesn't need to eat right away, just likes to stare at you or out the window for a bit before he has his breakfast. He likes to dance or be walked around. But neither of them have faired well on walks or car rides, much like their brother. They seem to want to eat all the time and when they are in their car seats or stroller they freak out because they aren't close enough to their food source.

Why/how do I create such needy, intense babies? I have asked myself this question a lot lately. Or rather, why do we, Eddie 3 and I, create these temperamental creatures who crave affection/human touch and startle easily? They are no where near as fragile as E4 was and can be put down to sleep quite well (yes, I am actually putting them down for naps drowsy but awake at times!!!), but they are still definitely not EASY babies. Whatever EASY is. Anyway, I ask this and then I witness my husband throwing a diaper onto the floor in the middle of the night in a rage because the strap on it broke, and I smile, realizing how easily we both can escalate to frustrated in stressful situations. Somehow I have not been pushed to my limit yet....I repeat, yet. But I have to report that E3 is struggling to remain calm lately, mostly in response to E4's antics. Yes, our E4 went from handling the babies very well in the first month to a complete terror in the 2nd month. He wants to nurse constantly, asking for "mama milk" anytime only one baby is nursing or he sees an open opportunity, i.e. I am sitting down. He has been misbehaving in general, doing things like throwing shoes around, kicking the babies bassinet and being very loud with slamming doors or banging toys. If you tell him not to do something, he does the exact opposite. It is very draining. I feel very drained. Ok, maybe I should lay down.