right now

Right now amidst the punches and kicks of my unborn babies I am thinking of my other baby, my Eddie. I am always thinking about him, worrying about him. The speech pathologist's words echo in my mind: "we have to honor where he is at now." His whimsy, his fervor, his whirlwind of play and babble, his neediness, his introverted shyness and even his laziness and desire to stay in his PJs late into the afternoon. There is a wide spectrum of "typical childhood development," she tells me and Eddie falls arguably within that; he is just on the slower end of the spectrum. He is just a tad immature...in many ways. This insight was shared with me weeks ago and just recently as I was putting him to bed I tried to find a new perspective on this professional affirmation of my own assessment and intuition. I was thinking that our society is in too much of a rush. We expect our kids to grow up so fast, to mature too rapidly and to develop into independent mini adults way before their time. Maybe it is a good thing that Eddie is taking his time, maybe it is a good thing that he wants to be a baby a tad longer. Maybe he will grow into a confident, secure child and adult because he was allowed to indulge in infancy. I hope this. But my concern lingers. My husband has more faith - he says he looks into Eddie's eyes and sees that he is okay, that he is smart, that he is good. I wish I could feel this secure, instead of worrying over things like why he won't pedal his bike or why he runs and hides when people come to the door. I suppose this is all part of being a parent....deep breath....as I prepare to bring two more into the world.