a femivore finding her tribe

I came across a term recently that seemed to fit me to a tee: femivore - a highly educated woman who chooses to stay home and raise the kids, along with a vegetable garden and often chickens. It's the newest form of feminism which aims to take control of one's carbon footprint while providing a healthy, sustainable lifestyle for your family. In Chicago, despite a popular green farmers market and rampant support for bicyclists, I tend to find myself a tad alone when it comes to my natural mothering lifestyle choices, most notably the fact that I still nurse my two year old and go to him throughout the night. I have always felt comfortable amongst our social circles and family, and never felt as though I had to defend my parenting style; well, until recently when a visit from a college friend turned into a full-blown discussion on attachment parenting, the life of stay-at-home mom (which she seemed to view as depressing and I find liberating) and my own manifesto in defense of nursing a toddler. And so I have joined two new mom support groups, La Leche League and Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS). Both are international organizations, the former with an emphasis on breastfeeding support and the latter with a more broad focus on parenting. I also like both groups for the fact that the meetings are in the morning and kids are welcome, allowing Eddie good opportunities to play with other kids. Actually, at one point I would have said that I was joining these groups for him...to broader our social circles..."our" meaning my son and I, and ultimately meaning that I am still searching for consistent playmates for my budding socialite. But now after attending this first session of La Leche today, I am starting to realize that these groups are genuinely for me, for me to "find my tribe," a term that is thrown around amongst these groups that means to find a supportive community of women (based on Jean Liedloff's book "The Continuum Concept" and expanded by Teresa Pitman in the article here ).

This La Leche meeting was a hoot - unique, I think, and special in so many ways and filled with the intensity that only breastfed children seem to exempt regardless of age as they explore their world with passion and then run to mommy for comfort. My Eddie fit right in, and actually was a sort of a trouble-maker/ring-leader with the toys. At one point he was banging together two plastic bowling pins, then swinging one like a bat and shortly thereafter I saw three other kids mimicking him. But the real scene was all the breastfeeding amongst women trying to having a serious conversation (about weaning of all things!) while watching and gently disciplining their children. Jealous of the mothers' of newborns were we who found ourselves on the floor to stop our kids from fighting over toys. At various moments throughout the hour long session I observed the leader of the group with both children attached to her bosoms - one had to be 3 and the other was 1 1/2. The three year old stood up while sucking away at her mom, while the younger boy squirmed to and fro on the other nipple. Wow. This was tandem nursing in full force. All the while their mother remained calm and collected as she moderated a discussion. It was obvious by the discussion and by what I was witnessing (and partaking in, as Eddie had to have him "num nums" too!), that no one here had any genuine experience with weaning. Oh well.

I left feeling exhausted, but empowered. I reconnected with a friend of a friend. I borrowed two books, one entitled "How Weaning Happens." And as we made our way outside and Eddie ran off for the nearest mud puddle, I was invited to join another group, a nature group, that schedules play dates in neat outdoor places, and to attend a "chickenpox party," hailed as the natural way to give your kid the chicken pox so they don't have to get the vaccine. Hmmm. I just may have found my tribe.