another cold

You have another cold. It started with some sneezing on Wednesday and yellow snot on Thursday and now today, Friday, it has moved into your lungs and you sound like a wheezing old smoker with a cough like a seal. It is the same progression your last cold took, so I think this chest wheezing should only last a day. Nevertheless, it is still scary to listen to your heaving chest and your sickly moans as you try to move around, but then just tucker out and want to be held. But you never sit still - even while reading books - still wriggling, so eager to move onto the next thing, so unsettled that it makes me feel even worse for you because you seem beyond comforting. When you are sick like this I feel paralyzed by the worry. I want to sleep by your side and make sure you drift off into a peaceful sleep, but you will have none of that. You want to be alone with your blankies as you motion for me to leave the room. I stand outside your door, waiting for you to settle. I try to go about my chores. I turn on the monitor for the first time in many months, just to listen to you breathe.