a chill pill

I am internally repeating an expression from my own childhood: take a chill pill. I know that it is only normal to be uptight, obsessive and super anxious about your first child and everything that accompanies their development, health and overall well-being. But I am trying to listen to my inner voice and relax a tad. This winter I have been sort of paranoid about illness, wanting Eddie to stay as healthy as possible, naturally. And overall he has been really healthy. The two times so far that I have questioned his health in terms of having a cold, I am still uncertain whether he really did have a cold. Even just a few days ago when I wrote about his snotty nose, I thought I was confirming him having a cold, a.k.a. upper respiratory infection, but then after talking to other parents, it seems like he hasn't really had a cold after all. His slight cough could just be him clearing his throat. And his slight runny nose was honestly really slight...in comparison to the other runny nosed babies I see. Ok, onto my reasoning for the "chill pill" prescription.

The other day we went over to my neighbor's house. Her daughter, Nia, was born a week after Eddie. So we call them boyfriend and girlfriend and have been trying to get them together more. Nia is Cindy's third child and it is so apparent in the way she is so lackadaisical about everything - in a good way. We went over there and I brought a toy - Diggity Dan Dog - because I know that Eddie cannot go for a minute without mouthing something and I didn't know what baby playdate etiquette is: do you allow the other baby to saliva all over your kid's toys? Of course I wanted him to play with Nia's toys for the experience of newness but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate if he was drooling heavily and had had a runny nose this week. Cindy had also commented on Nia having a runny nose - she blamed it on the teething. But Nia's "runny nose" was nothing like Eddie's little boogers and crusty upper lip after naps. Her nose was releasing some royal snot, in the yellowish, greenish form. And Cindy would just clean it away with her hand or grab a tissue. Wow. I have never even touched a tissue to Eddie's delicate skin - we always use cloth diapers or wash cloths to whipe his face - so when she just did the deed with a harsh paper tissue I was a bit in awe. And the babies just played on, sucking on and biting all of the toys, of course sharing saliva, and hence germs. In the moment, I was totally okay with it and enjoying the commotion of a busy household with three kids and their friends. What was I going to do, refuse to let our kids interact because of some snot? It was only retrospectively as we returned home that I thought about what we had just experienced and how if I had let myself over analyze the germ-filled situation I could have inhibited a beautiful encounter. I thought about what I would do when the time comes for us to invite another baby over for a "play date" and what I will do afterwards, after our guest has saliva-ed all over our toys. I thought about this as I walked downstairs to our laundry room and added Diggity Dan Dog into the wash - after all, Nia did hold him for a bit. I hope that one day I can be like Cindy, a confident mother of many youngsters who juggles playdates, potty accidents, snotty noses, mounds of laundry and random small parts to various toys that somehow end up in small crevices throughout the house. Some day I will be chill. For now, I am a paranoid first-timer reminding herself to take a chill pill.