christmas memories

Eddie had a nice first Christmas. He got nice gifts but not a gaudy amount - some books, some toys, some clothes. He did a fairly good job sleeping away from home. We spent the entire holiday at my parents' home in Wisconsin, perhaps the last Christmas we spend in that house since a move may be eminent. If such is the case, I will forever be nostalgic about the country-like setting there and will remind little Eddie of his first Christmas there and our encounters with nature - we were gifted a very white Christmas (several feet fell and then it almost all melted 3 days later), we saw deer walking down the road and we saw wild turkeys extremely close up - they have camped out at my parents' house and often sit right on the doorstep to stay warm.

Unfortunately the holiday was also filled with sorrow and sadness as we lost Eddie's Great Grandma Bonnie Clark. Bonnie had been sick for a couple years now, recovering from cancer and strokes, but one would hardly have known it from speaking with her over the phone as we did fairly often. Her voice always exuded energy and excitement, and when little Eddie was born she was of course smitten with the news, exclaiming "I knew you were having a boy!" Although she never had the chance to meet our little Bomba in the flesh, she was intimately and, I believe, spiritually acquainted with him. Last year we spent Christmas in Maine and I was 5 weeks pregnant. We opted to not inform the entire extended family at that time because it was so early, but we did tell Eddie III's Grandma and his immediate family. The news made Grandma Bonnie's eyes dewy - things that made her happy and proud often did bring her to tears. I remember her asking me what names we had selected and I responded with Eddie IV for a boy - which she of course approved of - and Alexandra for a girl. She nodded her head, saying "no, it's a nice name but not right." And when I asked her what name she thought would be good, she said firmly "Josephine." Deep into my third trimester I opted to have my sister take some pictures of me. Many people I know go to professional photographers to have some dramatic pictures taken of them with a baby bump and I contemplated it as well, but we had so much going on with moving and furnishing a new home that I didn't feel like scheduling it, not to mention paying the money. Bonnie had emailed me around this time, as well as earlier in my pregnancy, asking for a picture of me. To be honest I was not too fond of the camera during my pregnancy because I felt not so attractive. But the pictures my sister took of me came out fairly well and so I sent a couple to Grandma Bonnie. Bonnie was a creative and crafty soul who often painted portraits of her loved ones. But she had set the brush down for over a year, as her stroke rendered painting difficult. Hence I was shocked and honored this past autumn when she decided to do a portrait and selected me as her subject. She took the photograph of me with Eddie in utero and created a beautiful piece of art that now hangs next to my bedside. Although little Eddie will not have the chance to meet her, we will of course tell him about his wonderful Great Grandma and will have this amazing visual heirloom.

And so this Christmas, Christmas 2008, will be etched in our memories as Eddie's first Christmas, which brought us so much joy, and yet also the Christmas we lost a loved one, our Grandma Bonnie and little Eddie's Great Grandma.

Video of the Week

long and lean

We went to the doctor on Friday for the 4 month well visit and she was very impressed with little Eddie's strength, in particular his control of his head and neck. She also shared his growth results, which were 26 1/4 in. long (90th percentile) and 15 lbs. 5 oz. (75th percentile) and said "he's long and lean." We haven't called him "chumbly" in awhile. His new nickname is "bomba," which is the word bomb in Italian. I said it a few months ago, as it is sort of a take off on the word for baby (bambino) and other nicknames for babies in Italian (bimba), and it has stuck.

As some of you may have realized, every month on the 18th to mark Eddie's monthly birthday I take photos of him with a bear that Grandma Bonnie and Grandpa Rick gave us when Eddie was first born. I will continue to do this throughout his first year to note his growth as a comparison. This week when I took the photos he did something he has never done before...he started interacting with the bear (see photo)! He grabbed it and gave the bear a kiss...or rather put the bear's face in his mouth. Here is a four month update...crazy that it has been four months!

physical: rolled over in crib during the night, but still have yet to see you roll over during the day. When you are placed on your stomach you lift your head up and have your arms out, as if ready to crawl. Often your feet are in the air too. We know that you can move because whatever position we put you in in your crib you seem to move into an entirely different position and often are on the opposite end of the crib or with your head wedged in the corner. You have more control sitting up now when assisted and we can prop you up with pillows and you will stay sitting for awhile. You are very sturdy on your legs...seems like you will walk before you crawl! You are bringing your hands together and using your hands a lot, mainly to suck on. You are handling objects very well now, grabbing for things, holding onto them for long periods of time and even passing them from hand to hand. Your cognitive development is apparent too because when you drop a toy or it gets out of view you often whimper or start to fuss, indicating that you want it back. Still drooling a lot and no signs of teeth...

language: the coo's are more throaty now, almost like gurgles and what they call "raspberries" which is when you almost blow spit when you make them.

expressions: you stick your tongue out sometimes. You still have a very focused expression when playing with toys or starring at people. You are smiling more and more. We are trying to get you to laugh out loud and you try, but it is almost like a dry laugh which doesn't make noise. You like to be kissed all over, more so than tickling, which always gets a smile out of you.

personality: the colic is over, thankfully! and so you spend more hours sleeping in your crib than before. During your waking hours you are still very persistent, driven, active (like to be in motion or standing or playing with toys) and intense. You like to be picked up and held. You like to play with toys and books but you get frustrated easily and start to whimper or fuss - I read that the frustration is part of the learning process and that we should allow it happen because that is how you will learn.

books we've read: the current favorites are "Christmas Mice," "Pat the Bunny," and an alphabet book. You are starting to really get engaged in the reading process, grabbing the books, turning the pages and even putting them in your mouth - this just happened yesterday with Pat the Bunny. Today you were reading the "Grinch Who Stole Christmas" so vigorously that you got a paper cut!

toys we play with: you are really into toys now, grabbing everything and putting things in your mouth. your favorite right now is this orange plastic ball that is a web of rings, making it really easy to grab onto, from www.rhinotoys.com. you seem to like harder plastic now and like to put the connector rings, like those to hang toys from your stroller or carseat, in your mouth. Also started to use your Razz teether that our neighbor Beth gave us. It is like a bumpy pacifier and you seem to really like sucking on it.

songs we sing: we have been singing holiday songs this month. You like "Jingle Bells," "We Wish You A Merry Christmas," "Let It Snow" and basically whatever gets into my head from listening to Sirius Pops channel 866.

mrs. santa's workshop

Sorry that I haven't been posting a lot lately but the holidays are fast approaching and my time is getting consumed with all the preparations - the decorating, the shopping, the gift wrapping and all the outings and parties. Eddie has been my little elf, helping me out in the workshop with wrapping the gifts and decorating the tree. I hand him luxurious ribbons (made by my talented mother) and he just fingers them and stares. It's funny how he seems to understand that the ribbons shouldn't be sucked on, especially because everything else ends up in his mouth these days. We bought our Christmas tree on Saturday. We contemplated driving out to a farm to cut it down a la Griswalds, but when we thought through it all (a 4 hour drive, the cold weather and the act of cutting it down), we decided to postpone it for future years when Eddie could enjoy...and remember it.

The Christmas tree is a big deal in my family - for those who have been to the Lauer house over the holidays you know what I mean. My mother owns thousands of ornaments, probably enough to fill ten 10 ft. trees. And many of the ornaments have special stories and meanings associated with them. When we were younger we always put two trees up - the big tree and a kiddie tree. My sister and I would decorate the kiddie tree that sat in our dining room, while our mother did the tree in the living room. She meticulously arranged the white lights and ornaments over the course of days...yes days...it was a process. This year, since my sister and I are both homeowners, we decided that it was finally time to decorate our own trees. And so over Thanksgiving weekend we went through all the ornaments with our mother to decide which ones, out of the thousands, to take and have within our own homes. Now I too am in the process of decorating the tree, just as painstakingly and control-freakish as my Mom. The process started Saturday afternoon and I probably won't be finished until Tuesday, especially since I have to take baby breaks. I know my son will probably never "get into" decorating the tree or wrapping gifts with pretty ribbons. He probably will prefer sledding and throwing snowballs. So for now I can relish in these moments of infancy when he can be an innocent observer and listener. I tell him stories about all the ornaments - the closepin nativity set my cousin Chrissy made, the hula dancer from Anna Duchelle's trip to Hawaii, the vintage ornaments that hung on his great grandparents' Carl and Josephine's tree and the Christopher Radko's that were coveted by my Mother.

sleep chronicles, vol. 2

Well, we didn't abort the mission as I had indicated in the last post. And we are glad we didn't. We have been plugging away with the extinction method and continuing to track Eddie's sleep. Yesterday I calculated the average number of hours he has slept in a 24 hr. time frame pre-training and it was 13.3 hrs. Now he is averaging 14 hrs. A baby his age should be sleeping 15-16 hrs per day. So things are improving. He is sleeping exclusively in his crib, which is great for Mom and Dad who can now sleep in normal positions and more soundly throughout the night. And he is sleeping great during the night, only waking up once or twice to eat. Last night he slept from 7 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. without waking! It was pretty crazy. Dad and I both went in to check on him several times to make sure he was still breathing because we were shocked that he wasn't waking up. We sort of figured out that one main reason he cried so hard and long the first night was because we put him on his back, which is the preferred sleep position by everyone in the pediatric medical field because it has proven successful in reducing the rate of SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome, a.k.a. crib death. But, as is the case for many colicky babies, he really can only sleep on his stomach. So now we are doing stomach exclusively and he is sleeping much better...and moving around a lot. He is always in a different position and placement within the crib than how we left him. On Tuesday, Dec. 8th he officially rolled over! Of course no one witnessed it, but when he woke up around 9 to eat he was lying on his back so he must of flipped over.

Although he has yet to have an exact schedule, for now the routine goes something like this: wakes up at 7 a.m., naps from 9 - 10 a.m., naps from 11:30 a.m. - 12:30, naps from 2 - 3:30 p.m. and then we put him down around 5:30/6 p.m., as instructed by the doctor. He is still struggling with falling asleep at that hour and so he either sleeps for only an hour and wakes up, or he cried himself to sleep and it takes an hour or so. It still isn't easy, of course, and we find ourselves walking on eggshells once the baby monitor goes silent. We sit and stare at the flashing red lights, or lack of flashing lights, wondering whether he is truly sleeping or just taking a break or quietly sucking on his fingers. He sucks on his hands and fingers so much now. They are red and chapped from his saliva, almost like a drool rash, and yet I don't feel comfortable putting any lotion or something on them since they are constantly in his mouth and I don't want him to ingest anything. Likewise his cheeks are often inflamed, from sleeping on his stomach and rubbing against the sheets and from lying in his piles of drool...poor guy!

I have spoken with many parents about sleep. Those who have worked with Dr. Weissbluth and used his methods or other similar methods say that yes, it is hard, but it is so worth it. And those that have not done sleep training often find themselves with sleep deprived kids or in difficult situations. Case in point: I was out last night with my girlfriends and one friend had to leave early because she got a call from her husband saying that their one year old would not go to sleep. She said it is because he can only fall asleep in her presence, mostly while she is nursing him. Another friend said that the same was true for her two year old - that she must either hold his hand as he falls sleep or sleep in the bed with him. So, it is, or rather, it will be, worth it when we have a baby who sleeps well.

sleep chronicles, vol 1

Wanted to update all the blog followers on where we are at with the sleep training. We saw Dr. Weissbluth the Monday before Thanksgiving for a sleep consult - he is, as my friend in California whom also did sleep training with her challenging son, "the man" when it comes to sleep. The first thing he did when we started the session was turn to my husband and ask "how sleep deprived is your wife?," which I think says a lot about his practicing style - he recognizes the importance in a well rested FAMILY, as Cindy Crawford, one of his clients, says in his book. After looking at our sleep log (we had to keep track of all the hours Eddie was asleep, awake, crying and being soothed for a week) he confirmed that Eddie is a colicky baby - we like to say extremely fussy though because colic ensues that he screams bloody murder and cannot be soothed. Yet, due to our successful efforts, as the Dr. put it, we prevented him from crying as much as he naturally probably would have. He outlined a pretty simple plan for us to try to maximize sleep for little Eddie: put him to bed at 5:30 and only go to him throughout the night to feed him twice. During the day we can continue to soothe him to sleep as we have been in order to minimize crying and maximize sleep. We decided to wait to start the training until yesterday. And so far, it sucks.

I'm not going to go into details because I have realized that people can be very judgemental about what we are doing - yes, we are allowing our baby cry, and yes, it does feel cruel in a way, especially since my natural inclinations go totally against it. But we have been assured that it causes no medical harm and that it ultimately leads to a better rested, and therefore more astute, able to learn, child. And of course it is way harder on the parents than it is on the baby. Last night I left the house - this was recommended by the Dr. since it is usually way harder for the mother to hear her baby cry - and went out shopping with my sister and her friends. I tried to have fun - even had a beer! - and yet I was curiously texting my husband to find out how our baby was doing. Not good. After an obscene amount of time - way longer than any of the stories in the Dr's book indicated - he was still wailing away and even my husband - who up until this point had been the one very rational and calm about the whole procedure - was freaking out. I called Peyton, my doula, for advice. I called a friend of my sister's who is a pediatric nurse. No one was home. And then by some miracle as we were strolling down Southport St. I hear someone calling my name and it is Peyton's husband Cal...they were driving by and saw me walking. And I flail my arms and yell that I had just tried calling them and bolt across the street, somehow defying traffic without really looking. I wish I could have seen myself - a manic mother in pursuit. I felt like I was having a panic attack, a pain in my heart that took my breath away, and I was relived that, like an angel, Peyton appeared. Peyton and Cal calmed me down and offered sagely advice, but I was still left with the return home to my distressed baby, and an even more distressed Dad. Luckily the rest of the night went along quite smoothly - I fed him and put him back in his crib and he only whimpered for 5 minutes before falling asleep. The rest of the night proceeded similarly smooth - I got up to feed him at 12:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m. and then he woke up around 7 a.m. He took his morning nap at 9 a.m. But the rest of the day he seemed totally off kilter and hardly took an afternoon nap, only snoozing for 15 minutes while feeding, until he napped at 3 p.m. for 45 minutes.

Now we are a few hours into Night Two and already Daddy Eddie and I are discussing aborting mission and devising a new plan. We feel as though we cannot take it anymore and we retrieve him from his crib, saddened to see a pile of wetness from his saliva and that he has gnawed on his fingers so much that they are red. And yet he looks at us and smiles so big and merry as if unaffected by it all. He has such persistence that the "crying it out" method doesn't seem to work on him...maybe he is superhuman...seriously, we both had the thought simultaneously and keep thinking that maybe our guy is an exception to the rules of crying, i.e. that at some point the baby gets tired and falls asleep. At least this process has been successful on one front though, and that is transitioning him out of the family bed and into his crib...he is sleeping in his crib, which is progress. Maybe we just have to allow him to get a tad older before he is ready to self soothe and fall asleep unassisted...

giving thanks

'Tis the season. I think it's only fitting that the whole holiday season begins with the day of Thanksgiving, for what are the holidays but days to give, as in gifts, kindness and love, and days to be thankful for all that you have. This year has been a tough one financially for many, including my own family. Although the effects of the subprime real estate market and the ultimate collapse of many financial institutions are still ricocheting throughout the economy, it is already apparent that these are truly the worst of times for my generation. And yet as my Father gave the Thanksgiving toast this year he reflected on all the blessings that we have been given...of course Eddie IV tops the list and makes us all forget about the woes. Eddie's smiles make us all smile, and he is on the cusp of laughing really hard - the other night as Daddy Eddie played with him he belted out a sound that we hadn't heard as of yet and we both cheered for it was officially his first laugh!

As for his first Thanksgiving, I must report that I was very very proud of his behavior. He seems to have inherited the Lauer social gene - that which evokes comfort in large social settings and compels one to constant activity, as in always wanting to be out socializing - I didn't get it though as I am more of a home body, so Eddie must have gotten it via his Grandpa. Anyway, he behaves very well in social settings as has been tested a few times before and now again at our cousin's, the Wennings, house for Thanksgiving and the next day at our friend Mary's house. He hardly fussed at all and played very nicely with his cousin Sophia. He even slept for an hour during dinner, which we were very pleased with because it was his first time sleeping at someone else's house other than ours and Nani's. Another behavior that was very apparent over the weekend was how intensely focused and fixated he plays - something which we all agree he gets from me. He played with Sophia's activity mat for almost an hour, and at Nani's he sat in a bouncy seat that my friend Kim gave us which has these red, yellow and blue toys on it very contently playing while we went through all the Christmas ornaments and decorations and decided which ones to take for our own home.

The next few weeks will go by fast and Christmas will be here before we know it. This is the first year in a long long time though that I truly feel the holiday spirit. It is hard not to celebrate even the little things when you have a baby - his first snowfall (happened here in Chicago yesterday), baking cookies and putting up the Christmas tree. Even listening to Christmas music suddenly feels festive and relaxing and not annoying and trite...how does that happen? Not sure, but it must be yet another beautiful thing about having a baby.