Counting the days until the end of the first trimester, hoping that it will mean a transition in the way I feel. Things have gotten a tad better in the last couple of weeks. I no longer have lose stools, I am throwing up less and averaging about 2 "good" days per week. Last Friday Eddie and I actually went out to dinner, which was a nice change. I am suddenly not waking up early in the morning with hunger pains - I used to wake up sometime between 4 - 6 a.m. every day needing to eat something and would then go back to bed. Now I am not needing the late night snack, but I am waking up on average 3 times a night to go to the bathroom and then sleeping until 9 or 10 a.m. Overall I am feeling very tired and it is not rare that I sleep 14 hours a day. I want to feel better so that I can do pre-natal classes, like yoga and swim. I know that Eddie wants me better so that I start cooking again.

I am struggling with work. No, not because of the nausea and first trimester ills but because of the shift that is starting to happen. People think that you become a mother the day your child is born. I would argue that you become a mother the instant you find out that you are pregnant. You begin to protect, nuture and care for yourself and your body like never before. And for people like me, who are borderline obsessive, that means that this tendency or characteristic suddenly takes over your life - it becomes numero uno and everything else falls behind. Obviously your marriage falls to the number two slot. And for many, a social life is close behind. Which means your career or work falls even further down the list. Since I am not good, nor have ever been good at "balancing" things, as the term "work-life balance" implies, this means that, again, for people like me, the desire to work or commitment or ethic or whatever used to propel me to excel, suddenly is non-existant. And so at 10 weeks into pregnancy I find myself attempting to embark on the most challenging tight-rope walk of life for a woman - the balancing act between being a mother and everything else. Everyone is different and I respect and honor those women who are able or seem to be able to "do it all" - to work, to nurse, to socialize, to cook and clean and even those who remarkably have time to go to the gym and maintain a fantastic figure. But I know that this is not me. It becomes clearer and clearer to me every day that I am to be a stay-home mom, and this is what will keep me sane, make me happy and make those around me sane and happy too. So the question now is, what do I do for the remaining seven months?

Went to the doctor and had a good check-up. My uterus is big - like a large grapefruit. And we got our first ultrasound - see above. The baby's size matches up with the due date, which means he is growing nicely. We saw him move his hands, and saw the heart pumping. In general though he was "lounging" or so the doctor said. If he's anything like his Mom, he is a good sleeper! I got the prescription for Zofran, the anti-nausea medicine, which should help a lot. My new favorite food is a Caprese sandwich - tomato, mozzarella and basil - yes, the baby is Italiano!

Pregnancy Update

Just beyond 8 weeks pregnant now. The fetus has hands and tooties and his knees are starting to form. The heart is developing, so let's all pray for a strong, healthy one! And the eyes have formed eyelids. As for me, I am still experiencing nausea all day long; sometimes it is the worst in the morning and recently it has started to get bad at night, preventing me from getting a good night's sleep. I am dry-heaving a lot. Fun. Last Friday was the best I have felt in awhile - I put in a full day at work - an extra full day from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m.! And then it was evident that I had pushed myself too much because I slept all day Saturday. It was Daddy Eddie's birthday yesterday and we didn't do much - had soup and leftover pasta for dinner - which is not what we typically would do for a birthday. I had aspirations of making Osso Bucco and thawed out some veal shanks but my nausea makes the thought of the smell of any sort of meat cause me to gag, literally.