christmas memories

Eddie had a nice first Christmas. He got nice gifts but not a gaudy amount - some books, some toys, some clothes. He did a fairly good job sleeping away from home. We spent the entire holiday at my parents' home in Wisconsin, perhaps the last Christmas we spend in that house since a move may be eminent. If such is the case, I will forever be nostalgic about the country-like setting there and will remind little Eddie of his first Christmas there and our encounters with nature - we were gifted a very white Christmas (several feet fell and then it almost all melted 3 days later), we saw deer walking down the road and we saw wild turkeys extremely close up - they have camped out at my parents' house and often sit right on the doorstep to stay warm.

Unfortunately the holiday was also filled with sorrow and sadness as we lost Eddie's Great Grandma Bonnie Clark. Bonnie had been sick for a couple years now, recovering from cancer and strokes, but one would hardly have known it from speaking with her over the phone as we did fairly often. Her voice always exuded energy and excitement, and when little Eddie was born she was of course smitten with the news, exclaiming "I knew you were having a boy!" Although she never had the chance to meet our little Bomba in the flesh, she was intimately and, I believe, spiritually acquainted with him. Last year we spent Christmas in Maine and I was 5 weeks pregnant. We opted to not inform the entire extended family at that time because it was so early, but we did tell Eddie III's Grandma and his immediate family. The news made Grandma Bonnie's eyes dewy - things that made her happy and proud often did bring her to tears. I remember her asking me what names we had selected and I responded with Eddie IV for a boy - which she of course approved of - and Alexandra for a girl. She nodded her head, saying "no, it's a nice name but not right." And when I asked her what name she thought would be good, she said firmly "Josephine." Deep into my third trimester I opted to have my sister take some pictures of me. Many people I know go to professional photographers to have some dramatic pictures taken of them with a baby bump and I contemplated it as well, but we had so much going on with moving and furnishing a new home that I didn't feel like scheduling it, not to mention paying the money. Bonnie had emailed me around this time, as well as earlier in my pregnancy, asking for a picture of me. To be honest I was not too fond of the camera during my pregnancy because I felt not so attractive. But the pictures my sister took of me came out fairly well and so I sent a couple to Grandma Bonnie. Bonnie was a creative and crafty soul who often painted portraits of her loved ones. But she had set the brush down for over a year, as her stroke rendered painting difficult. Hence I was shocked and honored this past autumn when she decided to do a portrait and selected me as her subject. She took the photograph of me with Eddie in utero and created a beautiful piece of art that now hangs next to my bedside. Although little Eddie will not have the chance to meet her, we will of course tell him about his wonderful Great Grandma and will have this amazing visual heirloom.

And so this Christmas, Christmas 2008, will be etched in our memories as Eddie's first Christmas, which brought us so much joy, and yet also the Christmas we lost a loved one, our Grandma Bonnie and little Eddie's Great Grandma.