christmas memories

Eddie had a nice first Christmas. He got nice gifts but not a gaudy amount - some books, some toys, some clothes. He did a fairly good job sleeping away from home. We spent the entire holiday at my parents' home in Wisconsin, perhaps the last Christmas we spend in that house since a move may be eminent. If such is the case, I will forever be nostalgic about the country-like setting there and will remind little Eddie of his first Christmas there and our encounters with nature - we were gifted a very white Christmas (several feet fell and then it almost all melted 3 days later), we saw deer walking down the road and we saw wild turkeys extremely close up - they have camped out at my parents' house and often sit right on the doorstep to stay warm.

Unfortunately the holiday was also filled with sorrow and sadness as we lost Eddie's Great Grandma Bonnie Clark. Bonnie had been sick for a couple years now, recovering from cancer and strokes, but one would hardly have known it from speaking with her over the phone as we did fairly often. Her voice always exuded energy and excitement, and when little Eddie was born she was of course smitten with the news, exclaiming "I knew you were having a boy!" Although she never had the chance to meet our little Bomba in the flesh, she was intimately and, I believe, spiritually acquainted with him. Last year we spent Christmas in Maine and I was 5 weeks pregnant. We opted to not inform the entire extended family at that time because it was so early, but we did tell Eddie III's Grandma and his immediate family. The news made Grandma Bonnie's eyes dewy - things that made her happy and proud often did bring her to tears. I remember her asking me what names we had selected and I responded with Eddie IV for a boy - which she of course approved of - and Alexandra for a girl. She nodded her head, saying "no, it's a nice name but not right." And when I asked her what name she thought would be good, she said firmly "Josephine." Deep into my third trimester I opted to have my sister take some pictures of me. Many people I know go to professional photographers to have some dramatic pictures taken of them with a baby bump and I contemplated it as well, but we had so much going on with moving and furnishing a new home that I didn't feel like scheduling it, not to mention paying the money. Bonnie had emailed me around this time, as well as earlier in my pregnancy, asking for a picture of me. To be honest I was not too fond of the camera during my pregnancy because I felt not so attractive. But the pictures my sister took of me came out fairly well and so I sent a couple to Grandma Bonnie. Bonnie was a creative and crafty soul who often painted portraits of her loved ones. But she had set the brush down for over a year, as her stroke rendered painting difficult. Hence I was shocked and honored this past autumn when she decided to do a portrait and selected me as her subject. She took the photograph of me with Eddie in utero and created a beautiful piece of art that now hangs next to my bedside. Although little Eddie will not have the chance to meet her, we will of course tell him about his wonderful Great Grandma and will have this amazing visual heirloom.

And so this Christmas, Christmas 2008, will be etched in our memories as Eddie's first Christmas, which brought us so much joy, and yet also the Christmas we lost a loved one, our Grandma Bonnie and little Eddie's Great Grandma.

Video of the Week

long and lean

We went to the doctor on Friday for the 4 month well visit and she was very impressed with little Eddie's strength, in particular his control of his head and neck. She also shared his growth results, which were 26 1/4 in. long (90th percentile) and 15 lbs. 5 oz. (75th percentile) and said "he's long and lean." We haven't called him "chumbly" in awhile. His new nickname is "bomba," which is the word bomb in Italian. I said it a few months ago, as it is sort of a take off on the word for baby (bambino) and other nicknames for babies in Italian (bimba), and it has stuck.

As some of you may have realized, every month on the 18th to mark Eddie's monthly birthday I take photos of him with a bear that Grandma Bonnie and Grandpa Rick gave us when Eddie was first born. I will continue to do this throughout his first year to note his growth as a comparison. This week when I took the photos he did something he has never done before...he started interacting with the bear (see photo)! He grabbed it and gave the bear a kiss...or rather put the bear's face in his mouth. Here is a four month update...crazy that it has been four months!

physical: rolled over in crib during the night, but still have yet to see you roll over during the day. When you are placed on your stomach you lift your head up and have your arms out, as if ready to crawl. Often your feet are in the air too. We know that you can move because whatever position we put you in in your crib you seem to move into an entirely different position and often are on the opposite end of the crib or with your head wedged in the corner. You have more control sitting up now when assisted and we can prop you up with pillows and you will stay sitting for awhile. You are very sturdy on your legs...seems like you will walk before you crawl! You are bringing your hands together and using your hands a lot, mainly to suck on. You are handling objects very well now, grabbing for things, holding onto them for long periods of time and even passing them from hand to hand. Your cognitive development is apparent too because when you drop a toy or it gets out of view you often whimper or start to fuss, indicating that you want it back. Still drooling a lot and no signs of teeth...

language: the coo's are more throaty now, almost like gurgles and what they call "raspberries" which is when you almost blow spit when you make them.

expressions: you stick your tongue out sometimes. You still have a very focused expression when playing with toys or starring at people. You are smiling more and more. We are trying to get you to laugh out loud and you try, but it is almost like a dry laugh which doesn't make noise. You like to be kissed all over, more so than tickling, which always gets a smile out of you.

personality: the colic is over, thankfully! and so you spend more hours sleeping in your crib than before. During your waking hours you are still very persistent, driven, active (like to be in motion or standing or playing with toys) and intense. You like to be picked up and held. You like to play with toys and books but you get frustrated easily and start to whimper or fuss - I read that the frustration is part of the learning process and that we should allow it happen because that is how you will learn.

books we've read: the current favorites are "Christmas Mice," "Pat the Bunny," and an alphabet book. You are starting to really get engaged in the reading process, grabbing the books, turning the pages and even putting them in your mouth - this just happened yesterday with Pat the Bunny. Today you were reading the "Grinch Who Stole Christmas" so vigorously that you got a paper cut!

toys we play with: you are really into toys now, grabbing everything and putting things in your mouth. your favorite right now is this orange plastic ball that is a web of rings, making it really easy to grab onto, from www.rhinotoys.com. you seem to like harder plastic now and like to put the connector rings, like those to hang toys from your stroller or carseat, in your mouth. Also started to use your Razz teether that our neighbor Beth gave us. It is like a bumpy pacifier and you seem to really like sucking on it.

songs we sing: we have been singing holiday songs this month. You like "Jingle Bells," "We Wish You A Merry Christmas," "Let It Snow" and basically whatever gets into my head from listening to Sirius Pops channel 866.

mrs. santa's workshop

Sorry that I haven't been posting a lot lately but the holidays are fast approaching and my time is getting consumed with all the preparations - the decorating, the shopping, the gift wrapping and all the outings and parties. Eddie has been my little elf, helping me out in the workshop with wrapping the gifts and decorating the tree. I hand him luxurious ribbons (made by my talented mother) and he just fingers them and stares. It's funny how he seems to understand that the ribbons shouldn't be sucked on, especially because everything else ends up in his mouth these days. We bought our Christmas tree on Saturday. We contemplated driving out to a farm to cut it down a la Griswalds, but when we thought through it all (a 4 hour drive, the cold weather and the act of cutting it down), we decided to postpone it for future years when Eddie could enjoy...and remember it.

The Christmas tree is a big deal in my family - for those who have been to the Lauer house over the holidays you know what I mean. My mother owns thousands of ornaments, probably enough to fill ten 10 ft. trees. And many of the ornaments have special stories and meanings associated with them. When we were younger we always put two trees up - the big tree and a kiddie tree. My sister and I would decorate the kiddie tree that sat in our dining room, while our mother did the tree in the living room. She meticulously arranged the white lights and ornaments over the course of days...yes days...it was a process. This year, since my sister and I are both homeowners, we decided that it was finally time to decorate our own trees. And so over Thanksgiving weekend we went through all the ornaments with our mother to decide which ones, out of the thousands, to take and have within our own homes. Now I too am in the process of decorating the tree, just as painstakingly and control-freakish as my Mom. The process started Saturday afternoon and I probably won't be finished until Tuesday, especially since I have to take baby breaks. I know my son will probably never "get into" decorating the tree or wrapping gifts with pretty ribbons. He probably will prefer sledding and throwing snowballs. So for now I can relish in these moments of infancy when he can be an innocent observer and listener. I tell him stories about all the ornaments - the closepin nativity set my cousin Chrissy made, the hula dancer from Anna Duchelle's trip to Hawaii, the vintage ornaments that hung on his great grandparents' Carl and Josephine's tree and the Christopher Radko's that were coveted by my Mother.

sleep chronicles, vol. 2

Well, we didn't abort the mission as I had indicated in the last post. And we are glad we didn't. We have been plugging away with the extinction method and continuing to track Eddie's sleep. Yesterday I calculated the average number of hours he has slept in a 24 hr. time frame pre-training and it was 13.3 hrs. Now he is averaging 14 hrs. A baby his age should be sleeping 15-16 hrs per day. So things are improving. He is sleeping exclusively in his crib, which is great for Mom and Dad who can now sleep in normal positions and more soundly throughout the night. And he is sleeping great during the night, only waking up once or twice to eat. Last night he slept from 7 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. without waking! It was pretty crazy. Dad and I both went in to check on him several times to make sure he was still breathing because we were shocked that he wasn't waking up. We sort of figured out that one main reason he cried so hard and long the first night was because we put him on his back, which is the preferred sleep position by everyone in the pediatric medical field because it has proven successful in reducing the rate of SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome, a.k.a. crib death. But, as is the case for many colicky babies, he really can only sleep on his stomach. So now we are doing stomach exclusively and he is sleeping much better...and moving around a lot. He is always in a different position and placement within the crib than how we left him. On Tuesday, Dec. 8th he officially rolled over! Of course no one witnessed it, but when he woke up around 9 to eat he was lying on his back so he must of flipped over.

Although he has yet to have an exact schedule, for now the routine goes something like this: wakes up at 7 a.m., naps from 9 - 10 a.m., naps from 11:30 a.m. - 12:30, naps from 2 - 3:30 p.m. and then we put him down around 5:30/6 p.m., as instructed by the doctor. He is still struggling with falling asleep at that hour and so he either sleeps for only an hour and wakes up, or he cried himself to sleep and it takes an hour or so. It still isn't easy, of course, and we find ourselves walking on eggshells once the baby monitor goes silent. We sit and stare at the flashing red lights, or lack of flashing lights, wondering whether he is truly sleeping or just taking a break or quietly sucking on his fingers. He sucks on his hands and fingers so much now. They are red and chapped from his saliva, almost like a drool rash, and yet I don't feel comfortable putting any lotion or something on them since they are constantly in his mouth and I don't want him to ingest anything. Likewise his cheeks are often inflamed, from sleeping on his stomach and rubbing against the sheets and from lying in his piles of drool...poor guy!

I have spoken with many parents about sleep. Those who have worked with Dr. Weissbluth and used his methods or other similar methods say that yes, it is hard, but it is so worth it. And those that have not done sleep training often find themselves with sleep deprived kids or in difficult situations. Case in point: I was out last night with my girlfriends and one friend had to leave early because she got a call from her husband saying that their one year old would not go to sleep. She said it is because he can only fall asleep in her presence, mostly while she is nursing him. Another friend said that the same was true for her two year old - that she must either hold his hand as he falls sleep or sleep in the bed with him. So, it is, or rather, it will be, worth it when we have a baby who sleeps well.

sleep chronicles, vol 1

Wanted to update all the blog followers on where we are at with the sleep training. We saw Dr. Weissbluth the Monday before Thanksgiving for a sleep consult - he is, as my friend in California whom also did sleep training with her challenging son, "the man" when it comes to sleep. The first thing he did when we started the session was turn to my husband and ask "how sleep deprived is your wife?," which I think says a lot about his practicing style - he recognizes the importance in a well rested FAMILY, as Cindy Crawford, one of his clients, says in his book. After looking at our sleep log (we had to keep track of all the hours Eddie was asleep, awake, crying and being soothed for a week) he confirmed that Eddie is a colicky baby - we like to say extremely fussy though because colic ensues that he screams bloody murder and cannot be soothed. Yet, due to our successful efforts, as the Dr. put it, we prevented him from crying as much as he naturally probably would have. He outlined a pretty simple plan for us to try to maximize sleep for little Eddie: put him to bed at 5:30 and only go to him throughout the night to feed him twice. During the day we can continue to soothe him to sleep as we have been in order to minimize crying and maximize sleep. We decided to wait to start the training until yesterday. And so far, it sucks.

I'm not going to go into details because I have realized that people can be very judgemental about what we are doing - yes, we are allowing our baby cry, and yes, it does feel cruel in a way, especially since my natural inclinations go totally against it. But we have been assured that it causes no medical harm and that it ultimately leads to a better rested, and therefore more astute, able to learn, child. And of course it is way harder on the parents than it is on the baby. Last night I left the house - this was recommended by the Dr. since it is usually way harder for the mother to hear her baby cry - and went out shopping with my sister and her friends. I tried to have fun - even had a beer! - and yet I was curiously texting my husband to find out how our baby was doing. Not good. After an obscene amount of time - way longer than any of the stories in the Dr's book indicated - he was still wailing away and even my husband - who up until this point had been the one very rational and calm about the whole procedure - was freaking out. I called Peyton, my doula, for advice. I called a friend of my sister's who is a pediatric nurse. No one was home. And then by some miracle as we were strolling down Southport St. I hear someone calling my name and it is Peyton's husband Cal...they were driving by and saw me walking. And I flail my arms and yell that I had just tried calling them and bolt across the street, somehow defying traffic without really looking. I wish I could have seen myself - a manic mother in pursuit. I felt like I was having a panic attack, a pain in my heart that took my breath away, and I was relived that, like an angel, Peyton appeared. Peyton and Cal calmed me down and offered sagely advice, but I was still left with the return home to my distressed baby, and an even more distressed Dad. Luckily the rest of the night went along quite smoothly - I fed him and put him back in his crib and he only whimpered for 5 minutes before falling asleep. The rest of the night proceeded similarly smooth - I got up to feed him at 12:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m. and then he woke up around 7 a.m. He took his morning nap at 9 a.m. But the rest of the day he seemed totally off kilter and hardly took an afternoon nap, only snoozing for 15 minutes while feeding, until he napped at 3 p.m. for 45 minutes.

Now we are a few hours into Night Two and already Daddy Eddie and I are discussing aborting mission and devising a new plan. We feel as though we cannot take it anymore and we retrieve him from his crib, saddened to see a pile of wetness from his saliva and that he has gnawed on his fingers so much that they are red. And yet he looks at us and smiles so big and merry as if unaffected by it all. He has such persistence that the "crying it out" method doesn't seem to work on him...maybe he is superhuman...seriously, we both had the thought simultaneously and keep thinking that maybe our guy is an exception to the rules of crying, i.e. that at some point the baby gets tired and falls asleep. At least this process has been successful on one front though, and that is transitioning him out of the family bed and into his crib...he is sleeping in his crib, which is progress. Maybe we just have to allow him to get a tad older before he is ready to self soothe and fall asleep unassisted...

giving thanks

'Tis the season. I think it's only fitting that the whole holiday season begins with the day of Thanksgiving, for what are the holidays but days to give, as in gifts, kindness and love, and days to be thankful for all that you have. This year has been a tough one financially for many, including my own family. Although the effects of the subprime real estate market and the ultimate collapse of many financial institutions are still ricocheting throughout the economy, it is already apparent that these are truly the worst of times for my generation. And yet as my Father gave the Thanksgiving toast this year he reflected on all the blessings that we have been given...of course Eddie IV tops the list and makes us all forget about the woes. Eddie's smiles make us all smile, and he is on the cusp of laughing really hard - the other night as Daddy Eddie played with him he belted out a sound that we hadn't heard as of yet and we both cheered for it was officially his first laugh!

As for his first Thanksgiving, I must report that I was very very proud of his behavior. He seems to have inherited the Lauer social gene - that which evokes comfort in large social settings and compels one to constant activity, as in always wanting to be out socializing - I didn't get it though as I am more of a home body, so Eddie must have gotten it via his Grandpa. Anyway, he behaves very well in social settings as has been tested a few times before and now again at our cousin's, the Wennings, house for Thanksgiving and the next day at our friend Mary's house. He hardly fussed at all and played very nicely with his cousin Sophia. He even slept for an hour during dinner, which we were very pleased with because it was his first time sleeping at someone else's house other than ours and Nani's. Another behavior that was very apparent over the weekend was how intensely focused and fixated he plays - something which we all agree he gets from me. He played with Sophia's activity mat for almost an hour, and at Nani's he sat in a bouncy seat that my friend Kim gave us which has these red, yellow and blue toys on it very contently playing while we went through all the Christmas ornaments and decorations and decided which ones to take for our own home.

The next few weeks will go by fast and Christmas will be here before we know it. This is the first year in a long long time though that I truly feel the holiday spirit. It is hard not to celebrate even the little things when you have a baby - his first snowfall (happened here in Chicago yesterday), baking cookies and putting up the Christmas tree. Even listening to Christmas music suddenly feels festive and relaxing and not annoying and trite...how does that happen? Not sure, but it must be yet another beautiful thing about having a baby.

Video of the Week

Although he is being a tad shy, this video shows Eddie's cute smile!

3 months old

Can't believe that little Eddie is already 3 months old! It is sort of a pivotal marking point, at least from a retailer's perspective - there are all these clothes out there for 0-3 mo. and just plain 3 mo. and then the ubiquitous 3-6 mo. It's sorta confusing for the first time Mom. And to make matters worse, all the relatively inexpensive clothes out there, which is all I really want anyway since he grows so fast, are all too short in the arms and the legs for him. I just don't get why they make these clothes with like 3/4 length arms! I guess Eddie has long arms or something. So right now he is fitting into none of the 0-3 mo. stuff (I have already packed a bin full of clothes he has grown out of), very few of the plain old 3 mo. labeled stuff and has a tad of growing room in the 3-6 mo. stuff. There are even some brands that he is fitting into the 6 mo. size! Ok, here's an update on him:

physical: still love to stand and now actually smile when you do it, whereas before you sorta had this bug-eyed freaked out look. Your neck control is getting better and better and you can raise you head now when we assist you to sit up, turning it in all directions. On soft surfaces, like the bed and chaise you are rolling over from back to stomach. You actively follow Mom and Dad with your eyes as we move throughout the house. You are grabbing more at objects, especially Mom's and Dad's clothes, certain toys, your own clothes and you love to grab at the flap of your bouncy seat - you actually scratch on it, which is something your Dad says he would have done. And still a lot of drool, so much so that you are getting a drool rash on your chin.

language: still making the same sounds and some new ones, like a drawn out/high pitched "uh-oh." Also really starting to try to laugh now.

expressions: you just started to have this new one where you turn your bottom lip in, almost like you are sucking or biting on it and it makes your mouth turn into a straight line. also your poop face is starting to change - it used to be where we could always tell you were pooping or trying to poop because the skin around your eyes would turn red and you would purse your lips. Now it is a lot harder for you to poop - sometimes it takes 15 minutes of pushing - and you moan and your eyes don't always get red. Your hands are always in your mouth now - that is your most frequent expression.

personality: you have your moments...of happy bliss, of playful bantering and of fussiness. There is very little consistency in your moods. There seems to be one night a week where the fussiness gets really bad and turns into full blown colic...it is scary and sometimes makes me cry, but we get through it together. You are getting better in the car - liking the movement more and maybe like just getting out of the house a bit - we are turning into hermits as the weather gets colder. You are well behaved in public...hope that never changes!

books we've read: the current favorites are "There's a Cow in the Cabbage Patch," "Good Dog Carl" and "Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See"

toys we play with: starting to grab onto toys now. Your favorites are a black and white cat from Nani which we call Mr. Bojangles, your Tiger from Grandma Bonnie and your new Haba gym which you bat at with your hands. You also like your Haba mobile from the Duchelles - the music seems to soothe you. You stare at the black and white animal cards from Nani - we have them in your crib and you seem entertained by them.

songs we sing: you love "There's a Hole in the Bucket," "She'll Be Comin Round the Mountain," and still smile for Wheels on the Bus and Old McDonald. We will soon start to introduce all the Christmas songs to your little ears!

let me count the ways...

I feel like maybe I have been using the blog too much to bitch, to vent about my stresses of motherhood, and so I am going to take this opportunity (literally - Eddie is taking a nap!) to write about all the little things he does that make me smile with glee or get teared up with emotion because of how much I love him.

I love:
- the way he smells, like almond milk and clothes-hung dried laundry...I even love the way his stinky tooties (feet) smell - yes, it is amazing but his little baby feet sometimes smell!

- his toothless grin that gets wider every day and accentuates his chins...Daddy Eddie likes to say he has more chins than China

- the look only a mother sees: when he opens his cute lips to latch onto the nipple and has this expression as if to say "ahhh," like one would say when they are very relaxed

- his belly button: maybe all baby belly buttons are cute, but I swear his is the cutest! I love to kiss his belly when I change him because it smells so good

- his bug eyes: he has certain expressions that make him look like me, and people think the shape of his eyes are like mine - deeply penetrating

- they way he nuzzles into me and prefers to sleep somehow connected to me, like with his face in my armpit

- the way he sleeps: he has all these different cute positions, including when he is on his back and sprawled out across me with his arms up by his face. The funniest is one where he actually tries to get back into the womb and puts his head down by my crotch! Sometimes when he is sleeping to my side I just quietly stare at him and his dad asleep next to each other and they look alike.

- the way he gets so excited to hear me sing silly songs, flapping his arms and legs, smiling and even sometimes singing along

- our post-bath ritual: we have him all wrapped up in a towel and I nurse him...there's something very primitive and beautiful about him being naked and pressed against me

- when he smiles at his Dad and attempts to laugh at his jokes and movie quotes

the S word

Sleep. I never realized how becoming a parent would make me so obsessed with this word. I remember a day back in July when my husband and I attended a lecture given by a pediatrician as part of our prenatal education. He spoke about selecting your pediatrician, general health issues and lastly about sleep. He said that 1 in 5 of us expecting parents would have a colicky or extremely fussy baby. And that all of us would wonder about sleep. I was thinking, literally, what is all the fuss about sleep? I mean, I knew that becoming a parent would mean that I would personally get less sleep but I guess I assumed that my baby would want to sleep and that we would simply have to work on transitioning him/her from the co-sleeper bassinet in our room (which I wanted since I knew that breastfeeding throughout the night would be easier if the baby was nearby) to the crib in his/her room. Twelve weeks into the life of Eddie IV and he isn't even sleeping in the bassinet - he is still sleeping with us in our bed - and now I understand why this pediatrician was so adamant about discussing sleep. At the time I didn't realize who he was - Dr. Marc Weissbluth - one of the nation's leading experts on pediatric sleep. I remember going up to him after the lecture and I asked him where I could read more about Circadian rhythms because I found his discussion of it fascinating and he said the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Duh...he wrote the book!...and I have just finished reading it and feel ready to embark on what we call "sleep training."

There are tons of methods out there and various medical professionals and parents who have written books claiming that their solution is the best - whether its the "No Cry" solution, the "Gradual Extinction" method or "Let Cry" solution. Weissbluth's overall theory, which centers on the proven belief that sleep deprivation can lead to a host of problems in a child's temperament and ability to learn, is that sometimes the necessary solution is total "Extinction," which means 2-3 nights of putting your child to bed and letting him/her cry to sleep in order to build appropriate self-soothing skills. But he discusses a variety of techniques and sleep challenges, everything from nap issues to night terrors. He has also done research on the differences between what he calls "extreme fussy/colic" babies and those with normal or common fussiness, and he has shown that the extremely fussy/colicky babies are often very sleep deprived by 4 months of age. But he also recognizes that these babies are the ones who need sleep training the most because they lack proper organization of biological rhythms, which may be due to high levels of serotonin and low levels of melatonin - the high serotonin causes the stomach muscles to contract, making sleep more of a challenge. This seems very likely in little Eddie's case because when he fusses he often writhes in pain and brings his knees to his chest. Within the last week he fussing sounds have changed from an "err err" grunting that sounds like someone trying to get comfortable, to painful moans and high-pitched wails...it breaks your heart because he sounds like he's in so much pain. Anyway, for these babies you kind of do whatever it takes to get them to sleep during their first 3-4 months, which is what we are doing. Sometime between 12-16 weeks is when their melatonin is supposed to increase, aiding them in sleep organization, meaning the ability to take naps at the proper times (first nap around 9 in the morning, then one in the afternoon and sometimes an evening nap) and then fall asleep for nighttime around 6-7:30 p.m. So we have sort of been in a holding pattern deciding when we should intervene and start the official training, or let him cry it out. A few nights ago, after literally trying to soothe Eddie from 6:30 p.m. until he finally fell asleep at 11 p.m., my husband proclaimed, "that's it. We're going to see Dr. Weissbluth."

One of the first steps Weissbluth recommends is creating a sleep log to track patterns of sleep. So I started it today. And then our first step is to try to get little Eddie to go to sleep earlier, like at 6 or 7 instead of having him go to sleep when we go to sleep. This has been the biggest challenge for us because he prefers to sleep on me, as I've stated before. And there is no way I am going to go to bed with him at 6 p.m. (I think the earliest I have clocked in is at 7:45) especially since this is the hour of dinner. The other first step for us is to get Eddie to sleep on a bed, not on me...which we have already started doing and are successful 50% of the time. This past weekend in Wisconsin my mom got him to go down like 100% of the time, which was amazing, so we learned some techniques from her. Right now Eddie is fast asleep, has been since 12:15 (right now it's 2:30)...crazy. He is sleeping on our bed in what they call a "bed crib" which basically means that we build pillows around him so that he doesn't roll and fall off. Once he consistently can sleep this way then we will transition him to his bassinet, and then ultimately to his crib. And then we have to work on allowing him to self-soothe instead of always waiting until he is dead asleep before we put him down. It will be a long process, I think, and I will update you all on the progress of it!

Video of the Week

This is little Eddie in the evening as he is expressing his desire to go to bed...semi talking, semi fussing...before the real fussing begins

grandma

I guess I have some explaining to do as my sister just pointed out that in my overtired stupor I have been writing "Nanny," which means more of a babysitter, when I have been meaning to write the name that we have given Grandma Lauer, pronounced "nah-knee." Her mother, my grandmother, was known as "Nana" which is the Sicilian word for Grandma; the Italian is "Nonna." And so we came up with a modified version of these two. I guess from here on out I will write "Nani." On the Washuk side, little Eddie's Grandma will be known as Grandma Bonnie, since it is the same name that Eddie III and the rest of the family calls Grandma Bonnie Clark - a lot of history there as she has more grandchildren and great grandchildren than anyone I have ever met - we calculated it at 28 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren - Bonnie, is that right??. Little Eddie is very fortunate to have a Great Grandma Bonnie AND a Grandma Bonnie. Grandmothers are very special in the lives of babies...I have realized this more so in becoming a parent myself as I have relied on my mother and mother in law for support and advice, and they both have bonded with my son so well. My Nana was a special woman too - what I remember most about her were her delicate hands that could roll dough into perfect balls to make holiday cookies and could scratch and rub our backs so soothingly like no other person I have ever met. We cannot wait for little Eddie to spend more time with his grandparents!

good baby...not easy

This was a rough week for Mommy...maybe I am just overtired and stressed or maybe Eddie is going through another growth spurt, but this week wore me out and so I proclaimed yesterday that we were heading to Wisconsin to visit Nanny so that I could get a break. Although I typically hate to display my emotional weaknesses to others, I must admit to our blog followers that I shed some tears this week. It started on Sunday night when little Eddie and I attended a friend's baby shower in the suburbs, about 50 miles away from our house. The drive there started off good, with Eddie sleeping as he typically does on the freeway when traffic is moving. But then we got off the exit and he woke up and starting wailing. And then Mommy got a tad lost and he started wailing even more. I just kept saying "we're almost there, we're almost there" even though I had no idea if I was close to this new house or not. We finally made it and I pulled Eddie out of his car seat right away to soothe him and he was all red in the face and sweaty, poor guy. During the party he was pretty well behaved but not as calm as the other two social outings we had taken him on. I think it was the fact that it was in the evening - which is typically his fussiest time day. Then the minute I got him in his car seat and in the car he started crying again and it didn't cease at all until I pulled into our garage. It broke my heart and I cried a bit, but I knew I had to keep it together while driving alone at night. The next night I was alone again at night because his Dad went to a hockey game. As I've stated numerous times before, I don't know what I would do if I were single parent because sometimes Mommy needs a break and then Daddy can take over with the soothing process, and unfortunately on Monday night I had a small taste of what single parenting would be like and it sucked.

Although Eddie is getting better with what we call "independent time" and really likes his bouncy seat, as you saw in the video clip, he still cannot not be held for only about 10-15 minutes before he clamors to be in your arms. And if he gets overtired, which is when the real fussing begins, he must have movement which entails either carrying him throughout the house for a walk or sitting on the exercise ball and bouncing him. The biggest change in his behavior now from when he was only a few weeks old is that he no longer can fall asleep anywhere - gone are the days when he would just sleep on us while we watched TV or used the computer and he longer sleeps in his Moses Basket or bassinet. He literally will only sleep on me in our bed in our dark bedroom with the white noise of a fan - which means that any time he needs to sleep, which is every 1-2 hours, then I have to lay down too. Ok, more on sleep later.

A few weeks ago my godmother Anna said after spending an afternoon with Eddie, "he really is a good baby, isn't he?" and Daddy Eddie and I just had to sort of half smile...it's true, he is a good baby, but he is not easy. I have spent the last week reading about temperament and extreme fussiness/colic and after going back and forth with how I would characterize Eddie (note, I am doing this is order to assess the most appropriate way to sleep train him which will be explained in a future blog entry), I have determined that he does fall into the category of extreme fussiness/colic but has an intermediate temperament. Extreme fussiness is categorized by having to spend at least 3 hours a day for at least 3 days a week for at least 3 weeks soothing your baby. Luckily he doesn't have official colic - we can always soothe him, but yes, it occupies the majority of my day, every day and has since he was born. His temperament, although intense and less adaptable, is not altogether bad. He is smiling and cooing a lot now...sorry it has been a challenge to capture his smiles in photographs because he moves so quickly. Other people use the terms "dream" babies vs. "high needs" babies...Eddie is a high needs baby...and probably always will be which is something I actually look forward to as he grows and develops because I think such a temperament can produce an active child with a sense of curiosity, intensity and persistence that is valuable throughout the learning process.

We are in Wisconsin now and Nanny is more successful at putting Eddie down, a.k.a. to sleep, than I am, so it is giving me a well-needed break. This morning Daddy Eddie and I went out for breakfast and tonight we are going on a "date" to the restaurant where we had our wedding. It feels weird to be away from little Eddie, to not have him always attached to me, but it also feels very refreshing and my back is thanking me. It took until now, week 11, for me to actually feel ready and willing to be away from my baby for a few hours. I know that it happens at different points for different people, some earlier and some maybe never, and it probably is dependant on what type of baby you have. You'd think that I would have reached my wits end a lot earlier and that having a "high needs" baby would have made me want to dish him off onto someone else sooner, but actually it is the exact opposite. Since he is a fussy baby I don't want to leave him with someone else because I don't want to burden them. There is no one who can soothe a baby like his/her own mother, and so I will plow forward through these months of fussiness and lack of sleep, hoping that some day we will look back upon this time and smile.

letter to my president

Dear Mr. Obama,
I am only 2 1/2 months old so I will never be able to vote for you so maybe my opinion doesn't matter to you, but there are a few things I have noticed in my short time here that need help. The first thing I think you need to focus on is fixing the bad e...it's a word that sounds like mommy. Please help the e-mommy so that my daddy comes home from work in a good mood and doesn't watch Bloomberg instead of playing with me. And what about our foreign dependence on oil? I know what dependence is. I am dependent on my mommy and her milk. I don't know what I would do without them so I understand that that one will be tough to solve. Maybe you can listen to that T. Boone Pickens guy I hear about. Mommy and daddy were going to dress me as him for Halloween. I was a lobster instead. Last but not least I think you need to address health care. Mommy and daddy said it cost a lot of money to have me in the hospital, but they have health insurance so it was covered. What about all those babies without health insurance? Even more important is preventative health care, meaning improving the lifestyles and diets of Americans. I am lucky. My parents shop at Whole Foods and farmers' markets to get me organic and locally grown foods (but if you don't help the e-mommy then maybe they won't be able to anymore). Other babies don't get fresh ingredients and then they get sick and then health care costs more. So addressing this nation's food system is really important - and it relates to all the other issues as well - the e-mommy, the environment, natural resources and health care. Michael Pollen wrote an article about it in the New York Times a few Sundays ago. I know because mommy read it to me. It was good. So is Goodnight Moon.
So, good luck Mr. President...there's a lot of pressure on you. It will probably keep you up at night. I am up at night a lot too, so if you need anything, just call. Eddie IV

Video of the Week

trick or treat

The day started off with a treat - or rather a trick: baby Eddie pooped in our bed! Well, it was more like a little leakage which soaked through his sleeper and onto our duvet cover. So the morning started with a stripping of the bedding and trip to the laundry room. I guess this is a good reason to start sleep training him so that he can sleep in his crib...we will officially begin trying to wean him off his dependency on Mom to fall asleep when he turns 3 months, so be sure that the blog will be littered with posts expressing our frustrations and comments on the process.

Overall Halloween was pretty uneventful. We carved a pumpkin and Eddie wore his "My First Halloween bib." He has started wearing bibs more because of his drool. We put him in his lobster costume around 6 p.m. and he quickly became a very tired lobster and wanted to eat and then sleep. And this was all before we had the chance to take some photos. He woke up after a quick sleep cycle and we luckily got him back into his costume to greet some trick or treaters and snap some shots. Here's a photo and we will post more in the slideshow tomorrow.

on turning 30

It was my 30th birthday on the 25th, last Saturday. I meant to post this entry that day, but as you can tell, time flies with a baby. I also meant to write a post after our weekend in Wisconsin at the Grandparents house - in case you are curious, Marty and the other dogs took to Eddie just fine. They smelled him and licked him and were very respectful, especially when I was breastfeeding. It was funny, Marty actually sniffed my chest and after that it was as if she understood. And we had a lovely party at the Duchelle's house, which was essentially my second home growing up. They lived three houses down from our house and we spent many hours letting our imaginations blossom as we created worlds to explore in their basement.

Anyway, my birthday started out with my husband bringing me breakfast from our favorite coffee shop, Julius Meinhl. A croissant and the best yogurt parfait. Then he showered me with gifts and I was off to get a facial. In the afternoon we intended to go to Hot Doug's, a gourmet hot dog stand, since I haven't eaten a hot dog since before I was pregnant since its one of the things they steer you from because of the nitrites they contain - wait, I stand corrected, I did eat a hot dog last December when we were in Maine. I had to - it was Bolly's and they make the best hot dogs - can't wait to take little Eddie there next summer. But Hot Doug's was closed so we went for BBQ instead. And then Eddie gave me a cake signed "love, Eddie III and Eddie IV!" Celebrating a birthday with your baby is so much more meaningful than those days of partying and doing shots. You grow up watching your parents buy those cards for special occasions that say "from your son" or "from your daughter" and now it is your turn to do the same. Yes, I got two cards...one from each of my Eddies...so cool.

I know of many people whom have struggled with the implications of turning the big 30. Of the end of their 20's and a sense of youthful freedom. But I feel so fortunate today to be 30 and to truly have it all...because what is greater in life than creating life, creating a family? I have done and seen many things. I have jumped from an airplane at 13,000 feet. I have met famous people - President Clinton and Bono top the list. I have tasted victory - in the form of a dog-pile - and defeat. I have been to multiple continents. Mi ho trovato bene in un'altro paese. I have worked with and for inspiring individuals. I drank a Cheval Blanc at Cheval Blanc. And so I feel fulfilled, satiated with my first 30 years...but even more excited for the next.

Note, the above photo is a painting that Grandma Bonnie Clark did of me from a photograph my sister took of me while in my third trimester. To have inspired art makes me blush...I am honored.

officially chumbly

"Chumbly:" a term of endearment used to describe a baby who is chubby; used by Charlie and Eddie Washuk for their younger brother Joey. And now, yes, we use this word to describe Eddie IV. We have used it since his birth but the trip to the doctor on Monday confirmed that he is a big boy: 13 lbs. 1 oz., 23.5 inches long, which put him in the 90th percentile for weight and 75th for height. We were sort of surprised by him being only in the 75th percentile for height since he seems fairly long. Even breastfeeding is getting more challenging because his body stretches longer than the width of the chairs' seats so I have to angle him appropriately. Although we have been quite proud of Eddie's growth and size (and it is right on par with Daddy Eddie's - thanks Bonnie for keeping such good records!), the doctor seemed to indicate a slight concern in the comment she made to me following our review of his charts. She said, "have you used the bottle much?" and I responded that we had a couple times, and he takes it, but no, not much. And so she suggested that we use it more often. I was in a sort of frenzy, trying to soothe Eddie, keep him warm in his nakedness and trying to remember all the questions I had, which I did have written down but the notebook was in my purse across the room. Anyway, I was in a stupor and forgot to ask the simple question of "why?" So as I was driving home I was recapping the visit in my head and was perplexed at why she would have pushed the bottle on us...was it because she knows how tough it is for a woman to leave the house and get some free time when she is breastfeeding? doubtful. I think it was her way of indicating that we should somehow be regulating Eddie's consumption. But it pissed me off that she didn't just say that...that she didn't explain why she was telling me to use the bottle more. It is the only thing I can think of since it followed our discussion that he is in the 90th percentile for weight. I am very aware, because of my prior job with Organic School Project, of the growing obesity epidemic. The medical profession is monitoring and educating against obesity as early as the toddler years because they are seeing such a rapid increase of BMIs (body mass indexes) and its association with diseases like diabetes, heart attacks and even asthma. And I know that our doctor is heavily involved in Chicago in obesity research and prevention - that is one of the reasons I chose her. Regardless of her intentions of the bottle comment, what upsets me more (other than my own stupidity for not asking why) is that she did not explain to me in an educated way why she was recommending what she was...that she thinks it's okay to just prescribe or recommend something at face value and not explain why, is a major turn off to me, and enough to get me thinking about switching pediatricians.

The doctor's visit also marked Eddie's first set of vaccinations. I have opted, like many of my educated peers, to not follow the recommended CDC schedule which groups many of the vaccines together, and instead am following Dr. Sears alternate approach which means less shots at once but ultimately more visits to the doctor. You still get all the recommended immunizations, just not lumped together. So instead of going every two months to the doctor for shots, we have to go every month. But after talking to people and reading the materials I decided to do this for two reasons: 1) to accurately measure any adverse reactions that he may have; if you get the versions of the vaccines that are combined, and/or get multiple vaccinations at once, and your baby has a reaction, you have no idea which vaccine he reacted to; and 2) aluminium content. Aluminium is present in all vaccines as a preservative but has not been effectively studied to measure the levels of toxicity in infants; what has been studied, and what many parents are familiar with is mercury, and all of the vaccines we are getting are mercury-free. Also there was a now famous UK study on the association of the MMR vaccine and autism, related to the mercury levels. Aluminium present in the vaccines at the levels that it is has the potential to be just as toxic and harmful to the brain, and yet it has not been researched because if it was determined that there were any harmful effects, the pharmaceutical companies would have to re-manufacture their drugs yet again and that would cost millions of dollars...hence, it hasn't been researched...if you get my drift. Again the only draw back is it means more visits to the doctor, more co-pays and more pricks of the skin for little Eddie. But he handled the first one fine - he got the DTaP and an oral dose of the Rotavirus - and he did not have any reactions whatsoever.

I am a supporter of immunizations, I want to communicate that forthright. I recognize that they have led to the abomination of deadly illnesses like polio and smallpox. And I want to use this platform to also indicate my support of one of the newest vaccines they are providing to youth, the meningococcal vaccine (given around the age of 12). One of my closest friends in college, Jenica, died of meningococcal meningitis...she literally went from being a healthy college student drinking beers with her friends to critically ill in the O.R. in less than 24 hours by this bacteria that inflicts largely congregated areas (university campuses and military communes). In some carriers it appears like a minor cold, and in others, like Jenica, it takes over the entire bloodstream and limbic system thereby affecting a thin layer of fluid that surrounds the brain and spinal cord. It can be treated with heavy doses of antibiotics, but in Jenica's case they could not diagnose quick enough to save her. Jenica was a vivacious, social person who took very good care of herself and in many ways epitomized health and beauty. That a bacteria like this could take the life of someone like her, made me realize that these diseases are real and it can happen to anyone. So, I would encourage any parents with young kids to get this vaccine - I know Jenica's Mom would too.

2 months, peak of fussiness

Tomorrow marks your two month birthday! I am writing this entry a day early because we are going to Wisconsin tomorrow to spend the weekend with Nanny, Gramps and the dogs. We have been anxiously awaiting this weekend for awhile because we cannot wait for you to meet Marty (Mara), one of the 5 Springer Spaniels that my parents own, the one which will become ours as soon as we get you sleeping in your own bed. And so of course this week has not been the smoothest and countless things have emerged testing our ability as parents. A few days ago I noticed that you had what I would call an eye booger in your right eye, so I wiped it away. Within the next hour another one appeared and I noticed that your eyelashes were goopey. I read that it is common for infants to get blocked tear ducts and after talking to a couple friends and the ped. nurse it seems like this is what it is. So we are now massaging your tear ducts using warm compresses and wiping away the gunk with wash cloths. The eye got better within 12 hours, thankfully, and is not infected.

Then last night you had the worst night of sleeping ever. We put you down for an evening nap around 6 p.m., lasting just long enough for us to eat dinner together - note, this never happens because evenings is when little Eddie is fussiest so we take turns eating and holding him. Then we went to bed at 9 p.m. and you woke up at 10 p.m. not happy. Our usual methods of soothing you didn't work and Daddy Eddie was awakened from his slumber to help me try to console you, taking turns holding you and walking you throughout the house. At one point you were so wide awake starring at the shadows in our living room and getting so excited, kicking and wheelbarrowing your arms around. The rest of the time you just cried and cried. We didn't fall back asleep until around 2 a.m. I read in various books that colic and fussiness in the evenings peaks at 8 weeks and then tapers off after 12...looks like we have 4 more weeks of this.

Anyway, that being said, we are enjoying you more and more each day with your new skills and personality. Here is a quick monthly breakdown of developments:

physical: as stated in the last blog entry, you have tremendous gross motor skills - your legs are so strong that your position of choice now is assisted standing. When we assist you to sit up, you pull your head forward, though it sort of bobs into a downward facing position and so you stare at your feet in wonderment and drool all over yourself. Yes, your other major change is blowing bubbles and drooling.

language: your noises have officially turned into language. The "errs" and "ooohs" are mostly present in the mornings and while getting changed. You also get excited when we sing certain songs and seem to attempt to sing with us. We recently watched E.T. (they've been showing it on HBO lately) and we realized that sometimes you make "E.T." noises.

expressions: you are smiling more and more...too many times a day to count...every time you wake up from sleep and when we sing songs. It is hard to get good photos of it though because you smile mostly when we make eye contact and when the camera is in front of our faces you don't smile as easily.

personality: you have pulled a 180 on a changing table in terms of your temperament - used to abhor it, now love it and it is where we are sure to see your beautiful smile. The bath is still something you are tentative about, but that too is getting better and last time you hardly whimpered at all. You like commotion, whether it is the busy streets with trucks and fast cars, or rooms filled with people...it seems to intrigue and calm you in a way. But there is a very fine line as you can get overstimulated and uncomfortable - usually you will spit up, then cry. I have discovered this because you rarely spit up on Mom, only other people and it usually proceeds some fussiness. You are a Mama's boy, that's for sure.

books we've read: Giraffes Can't Dance (from our friend Emily and daughter Mia) and Green Eggs and Ham

toys we play with: still not into toys but recently have re-introduced what we call "Red Dog" which is a black and red dog that duels as a soft book filled with cute pictures of types of dogs. And introduced a hand puppet of a monkey/bear from Nanny. Yesterday we also introduced the blocks with the alphabet.

songs we sing: still the favorites are "Old McDonald" and "Wheels on the Bus." Daddy sings and plays music from Roger Miller - you like "Dang me" and "You Can't Rollerskate in a Buffalo Heard." On the changing table, Mommy sings "Hole in the Bucket" and you seem to like it. Daddy sings "Yes, we have no Bananas." Also just started singing "Ears Hang Low" and the "Alphabet Song"

8 weeks

Sorry it's been awhile since we've updated the blog. Lately Little Eddie has been developing his motor skills and it has seemed to interfere with his sleeping patterns, causing us to sleep less at night and play catch up during the day. Some nights he seems to awaken every two hours just to play - he kicks his legs hard and swings his arms about, almost punching his Dad in the face. His neck is definitely getting stronger as we can now hold him outward and he enjoys seeing familiar sights at new angles. His eye sight has improved tremendously - when I hand him off to someone else he follows me with his eyes for the next couple minutes until he is captivated by something else. His new favorite activity is standing - we hold him under his armpits and lift him up so that his legs are straight and feet are planted. He pushes hard with his legs and seems very comfortable on his two feet. He also is really lifting his head during tummy time, which is fun because he kicks his legs and moves his hands in a way that looks as if he is about to crawl away. Suddenly, within the last couple of days, he has been drooling excessively. I read that drooling is a sign of teething...but at 2 months old? It is a tad early. We go to the doctor next Monday, so I will ask.

This weekend was his first big social encounter - we went to Bryce and Hilary's house and there were probably 12 or 15 people there, of course all wanting to hold little Eddie. We were there from 1 to 7 p.m. and Eddie did not cry once. He was an angel. And then we went to bed at 8 and he slept until noon...obviously the day of partying tired him out.

pro photos

We got some professional photos taken a couple weeks ago. Check out the proofs at:
http://www.jookiephoto.com/Galleries/WASHUKJOED091908eddie/
Note that this link will only work for 1 week, ending Sunday Oct. 12th.

who does he look like?

A lot of people have asked us this question, so I decided to upload some photos of Eddie III and me as babies...you be the judge!

sweater weather

My favorite season is upon us: fall. As we walked the farmer's market last weekend it was evident: the summer berries have been replaced by autumn squashes. And when we took little Eddie for a walk on Sunday, he wore his first sweater. Other developments and "firsts" are happening too. Just like the weather, little Eddie is changing fast. He started smiling right around his 1 month birthday and now the smiles are becoming even more frequent - the biggest ones, which are accompanied often by an attempt to laugh, come in the morning after a good night's sleep or wildly enough, on the changing table - that which he used to abhor. His eyes are wide open now, taking in the world. Of course he loves to stare at faces but also out the window and at certain walls, in particular where there is contrast between the wall color and the white moldings. The other day he even smiled at the wall which made me think he is already conjuring up imaginary friends. He has discovered his hands more and is opening them from the previously constant clenched fist position. He is trying to suck his thumb and/or whole hand, and we hope he figures it out soon because it will help his ability to self-soothe especially when we try to get him to sleep on his own. Yes, he is still sleeping in our bed with us...he is a good cuddlier and keeps us warm through these cool days and nights. I sort of dread having to graduate him to his own crib in a couple months because it will be during the onset of winter and I could use the extra body heat to stay warm.

The other big first that occurred this week, actually last night to be exact, was his first time with a babysitter, and Eddie III's and my first night out, per se. We attended the fundraiser for Organic School Project, the non-profit I recently worked for. Aunt Evie babysat. I was sorta nervous only because the 6 to 8 p.m. time is little Eddie's fussiest time block of the day - which, by the way, is common for most babies because it is their way of decompressing after a day's worth of stimuli in order to ready them for a night's sleep (I'm now reading Dr. T. Berry Brazelton's "Touchpoints"). But for some reason he was sleepy as we left the house and my sister said he was in and out of sleep for the first hour and then she fed him the bottle and walked him...all went well and I don't think he deterred her from wanting to have kids. I have to admit that it is a very cool feeling to come home to your baby...to reunite and realize that he is your life and not going anywhere. Memories of being a young child and waiting for my parents to come home from going out flooded over me...how my sister and I used to sleep in my parent's bed and wait for them to come home, scratching backs and playing Pac-man with flashlights, and watching my mom put on her make-up and marveling at how beautiful she looked and then noticing that she still had her eye makeup on in the morning...curious to see down the line what memories little Eddie will have...

grandma bonnie

This is Grandma Bonnie Jr. :)
I met Eddie IV for the first time Friday afternoon, Sept. 26, It was love at first sight! At first I was nervous picking him up, it has been a long time. Within seconds it felt natural, normal. I felt like one of his grandmothers! It was an amazing feeling to be gazing upon my son's son, and he does remind me very much of Eddie III at birth. Eddie IV stared at me with those penetrating eyes, eyes like his mother. He's an attentive baby. When I held him I felt a bond. I think he knows I'm family. And he is such a cuddle bug!

Like my boys, he likes to be held up, and like Charlie Washuk has to be encouraged at times to sleep. I don't think he wants to miss anything. He is smiling, which just lights up your heart. Eddie IV is rarely NOT being held!

For three days, Fri., Sat and Sun, I had the privilege of holding him, tagging along as mom & dad took Eddie in walks in the stroller, watching Eddie coo over him, Josie feeding and nurturing him. It gives me such joy to watch my son be so into his role as dad, and what a gentle, loving, caring mother Josie is. Eddie IV is incredibly lucky! And I feel blessed to have such a grandson! I love you little Eddie IV! Thank you Eddie & Josie for having me, and for adding such a gem to our family.
Bonnie Washuk-Zaccaro, heading back to Maine in the morning.....

most difficult job

Why didn't anyone tell me how hard this was going to be? yes, of course I had heard countless times from mothers the phrase "motherhood is the most challenging job, but also the most rewarding." But for some reason I always thought they meant a hyperactive toddler or a rebellious adolescent. I didn't think they also meant rearing a newborn. It is by far the toughest thing I have ever done. Way tougher than labor itself. See labor was relatively easy for me because I trusted my body and the naturalness of birth, and I viewed contractions like interval training - the 1 minute of pain is bearable simply because you know you will have 2-5 minutes of rest between each one. And you know that at one point it will all be over with. Parenthood is forever. There is no such thing as a water break, or a weekend or sleeping in. Attending to and aiding little Eddie meet his most basic needs, simply put, to eat, sleep and poop, is all I do, and it has compromised my ability to attend to my own basic needs. Today all I ate was a 1/2 bowl of cereal and a vitamin water (of course that is just breakfast and lunch; once my husband gets home, I eat - we had braised lamb, potatoes and cauliflower). I know that part of my challenge is Eddie's fussiness and neediness, but mostly my own motherly instinct to respond to his every need even if it means allowing him to nap on me because that's the only way he can fall asleep.

the faces of eddie

one month

Yesterday was your one month birthday! Wow. You have grown and developed so much. Every day when Daddy comes home from work he proclaims that you have gotten even cuter. This last month has gone by quickly and yet it all feels like an adapted routine in a way, so much so that we cannot imagine life without you. Here are some observances and your current characteristics displayed this month:

physical: you are a snotty boy...your nose is constantly full of boogers that are mostly dried up and we have to put in saline drops to try to loosen them and get you to sneeze them out or use the aspirator. The doctor says this is very normal in the first 8 weeks of life. It makes you have difficulties breathing, mostly when you are eating since you must breathe solely through your nose, and causes some funny noises to emerge (see below). Your hair is still quite blond and growing, growing most rapidly in the back which makes it appear like you have a mullet and Daddy likes to tease you. Your eyes are wide open to the world, big and blue. Your hands and feet are still relatively large for the rest of your body and you constantly move them around...very active. You still like your hands to remain in fists and you have "baby lint" in them constantly. Your head has gotten much bigger and also your gut, but your legs are still skinny. Your neck strength is increasing and when on your belly you can lift your head briefly and turn it to both sides.

You have acid reflux - most babies do because of their underdeveloped sphincter muscle. It makes you burp loudly, sometimes wet burps and also gives you hiccups. Sometimes you can tell it is literally coming up your esophagus because you cough and it sounds like your throat is burning...poor guy. You don't spit up too much but I think you do more than we realize because I have seen you spit up and swallow it right away - that's when you make that face of sticking your tongue out or the wrinkled up nose look. Again, the doctors say not to worry unless he isn't gaining weight. I tried eliminating cow's milk from my diet, since that has been determined to be one of the causes in some, but it didn't seem to help.

noises: you have many audible expressions, made through your constantly clogged nose - you snort when worked up, so we call you "Erkle." You also have a Snork-like sound which Daddy imitates. You have a singular tone cry which is more like an expression of "Hey!" that you use when you want attention, or to be attended to, like picked up or fed. You stretch a lot and make cute sounds like the murmurs one makes when they are trying to get comfortable.

expressions: there are so many...see the photos. Our favorites are the "Lauer" face - a serious expression with your lips pursed and chin out, the "Magoo" face which you don't do as much now but I see it in the middle of the night still, which is when your eyes are closed and you stretch and elongate your neck, the "O" face, which is when your mouth makes a little "o" and usually proceeds expressions of hunger, and you are starting to smile! It happens mostly in the morning when you are well rested.

personality: well you are getting used to getting what you want and when you don't, you showcase your temper, which I am told is a trait that infant Eddie III had...beware. You get fussy when hungry or tired, and we call you "fussles" or "fussy bussy." We soothe you mostly by the nipple, walking with you, bouncing you (you like the exercise ball the most) or simply by holding you close to our chest and rubbing your back. You don't like to be changed or to be bathed or to get dressed at all, often screaming, although it is getting better and I swear as of two days ago you started smiling at me on the changing table. When you are alert you move your legs and arms a ton, and can follow an object with your eyes but often you stare at nothingness - the wall, out the window, the arm of the chair, etc...sometimes you are in a calm, focused state and stare at things (this you get from your mother).

books we've read: Yertle the Turtle, The Tale of Peter Rabbit, Where the Wild Things Are, Grimm's Fairy Tales and the first three chapters of Ovid's Metamorphoses. I have also read to you excerpts from Sports Illustrated and various culinary books.

toys we play with: well you can't really play or grab yet but we show you and you can follow with your eyes the Pooh rattle, our first gift given to us by Grandma Bonnie way back in Dec. 2007 when we announced our pregnancy, and the little monkey from Scotty and Chrissy.

songs we sing: Old McDonald, Wheels on the Bus, Zippity do dah, Scarborough Fair, Ciao Mama (an Italian Song by Jovanotti) and Daddy sings numerous tunes which he doesn't know the words to...hopefully Grandma Bonnie can help fill in the gaps when she visits.

family

Earlier this week, Sept. 9, was our anniversary. We didn't do much, of course, but I did surprise Eddie III with a Maine lobster dinner complete with corn on the cob and potatoes. It was Eddie IV's first encounter with a lobster too...we know there will be many more. Perhaps the most special thing about this, our second anniversary, is that it marks the beginning of our lives truly as a family. Last night I asked Eddie III if he could do anything what would he like to do?, and he promptly responded, as he sat in a chair in our family room holding Eddie IV, "I am already doing it." It practically brought tears to my eyes. I am so lucky to have such an loving, engaged husband. Someone who literally gets excited to change little Eddie's diaper just because it is another opportunity to spend time with his son. And I swear that little Eddie stares at his Dad in a uniquely captivating way, unlike the way he looks at me, laden with admiration, wonder and above all, love.

baby steps

I know the term is in reference to an infant's first attempts at walking, but lately I have been thinking that the term is even more applicable to describe the slow, methodical pace of life that takes over once you have a baby. Everything must be approached in progressive steps, meaning in order to do something big, such as leave the house, you must do the small things, like the feeding, changing of diaper and dressing of clothes, in steps. And the steps can often take hours, especially since the feeding can cause the diaper to be dirtied which means then the clothes need to be changed...a vicious cycle. Then you have to attend to yourself - go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, do your hair, shower (if you are lucky and baby is sleeping soundly) and get dressed. Again, these things sound easy and like minor tasks, but with a newborn sometimes you can only accomplish one thing, let's say, the brushing of the teeth, before you have to reply to their cries and attend to their needs (which in Eddie's case usually means he wants to eat) and then wait until the next moment of calmness before you can finish the other tasks. Right now I am typing one-handed, which has become pretty standard for me, because Eddie is sleeping like an angel on my lap and on my left arm. If I make an attempt to move him and put him down in his bassinet, he will awaken and start fussing, rooting and making all the signs indicating "hunger." I know this because I have already tried it four times just now before giving in to his need for me to be his pillow and his bed for the next 30 minutes or so. I suppose this is the luxury of a stay-home mom - being able to just give in to the moment and watch your child sleep in your arms and not worry too much about what else you should be doing - thank god for machines like dishwashers and washing machines that help with cleaning and are hands free...maybe we need to buy one of those hands free vacuums too...

poops and pees

Those who have met Eddie IV are acquainted, some more intimately than others, with his bodily functions. He doesn't spit up much, but he did on Hilary - sorry Hilary. But he poops and pees a lot, and he often makes it a public affair. His BMs can be heard across the room, and are quite juicy, leaving his Dad to proclaim, "ah, too much fruit" (I think it's a quote from "Look Who's Talking.") And his farts are quite adult-like and reminiscent of "Nacho Libre." It is true what the books say - breastfed babies' poops look like mustard, like straight up yellow hot dog mustard, and they actually smell quite nice, at least I think so. The smell is an earthy sort of caramel corn-like scent. Anyway, the liquidy mustard poops have already leaked through various diapers - yesterday Belle, Aunt Evie and Uncle Mike's dog, visited (see slide show) and Belle was very excited to discover one of these blow-outs on Eddie's leg. Mmmmm...
As for pees, Eddie is quite well hydrated because his diaper is often wet...and his clothes...and his blanket or sheet...and often the shirt of whomever is holding him - yesterday, Uncle Mike was his victim - sorry Mike. And the changing table is still a battleground for us. Hilary gave us some pee-pee tepees (they cover the wee wee) and they have worked a few times, but often Eddie's stream of urine beats us to the covering - the other day he squirted himself in the face, poor guy!
So, my question to parents everywhere is, what's the deal? Don't you think that in 2008 there would be a diaper to contain an infants' excrement? As most of you know, I have intended to use cloth diapers, mostly for environmental reasons but also economic, and I have used the old-fashioned pre-folds several times. Each time though, Eddie has created a poop that has leaked out one of the legs, and the diaper itself - those Snappi adhering things (used now instead of pins) hardly stay in place and the diaper would completely fall off if not for the cover you put over it. So we mostly use chlorine-free disposables (Seventh Generation and Nature's Babycare) for now because the all-in-one style cloth diapers (I have Swaddlebees) are too big for him. Even the Pampers Swaddlers that they give you at the hospital leaked. And even if they didn't I wouldn't use them because they contain this weird absorbent gel that ends up on your baby's skin and has some uncontested side effects that freak me out. So for now I am trying to change Eddie more frequently to try to avoid the leakage, and I may try another brand of cloth diapers that fits him now even though he will grow out of them soon. But any advice is welcomed in this arena because the laundry loads are piling up.

car rides, yoga and visitors

We've been busy, hence the delay in posting another blog entry. Thanks to everyone who has come over to visit us. Little Eddie seems to like guests and most of the time is on his best behavior. His Uncle Charlie came to visit over Labor Day weekend which was special. We gave Eddie IV his first bath (see the photos in the slide show) and he really seemed to enjoy it - didn't cry one bit, which we were shocked by since he still cries practically every time we change his diaper. Last week was a week of hunkering down for us, at the urging of my paranoid father who says "don't take little Eddie anywhere" as he is scared that Eddie will get sick and acts like the plague is upon us. But also it was good for us to stay at home to focus on breastfeeding and sleeping patterns. This week started off with a huge milestone for me - we had an appointment with the pediatrician on Tuesday and since Eddie III was working, I had to take Eddie IV by myself - it was the first time I was alone with him in the car. And I was anxious about it because with the new regulations with car seats the baby faces backwards and you cannot observe them...so the silence gets to you because you are wondering "is he alive?" and on the opposite end, when he cries I have no way of soothing him except for cranking the classical music up and repeating the phrase "we're almost home." So far I have only contemplated twice about pulling into a Walgreens parking lot just to soothe him. But the ride went okay - he only cried for like 2 minutes on the way there and then passed out. And the Dr's visit went very well - yes, he has been growing - grew an inch in length and now weighs 8 lbs. 9 ozs. Big boy! We also took another trip to the Farmer's Market on Wednesday with Carrie, Emma and Carrie's son Mikali (the pictures will be posted next week), and yesterday we ventured out despite the rain and went to Mama and Baby yoga class. Eddie IV was by far the youngest participant and didn't really allow Mommy to get a workout in since he wanted to be held the entire time...oh well, it is a nice atmosphere for a new mom with a lot of support from other moms and an openness that makes you feel comfortable breastfeeding and changing a diaper in front of strangers. The days go by quickly between all the feedings and we have been taking a 2 hour nap together typically between 2- 4 p.m. Yesterday I hooked up the monitor so now I feel comfortable actually leaving the room when he is sleeping. Right now he is sleeping and I am off to write Thank You notes, hoping that I get more than one done, which is what I completed yesterday before he woke up and was looking for food.

growing pains

We think Eddie is going through a growth spurt. The medical literature says that the first growth spurt is around 2 weeks. On Thursday, which marked day 10 of life for Eddie, he had his worst day yet. He hardly slept and spent the whole day fussing at my nipple. He showed all signs of hunger and yet when presented with the nipple, he would suck for only a few seconds and then detach and then clamor for more, like a twisted game that seemed never ending between the hours of 8 a.m. and 2 p.m. Finally around 2:30 he feel asleep. I was literally at my wits end having not slept well the night before and having not eaten anything, thinking that maybe my milk was drying up. Then on Friday Eddie was an angel and slept from 11 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. I read that growth spurts are categorized by excessive hunger/desire to feed, fussiness and hibernation-like sleep...well, there you have it, he is growing! Everyone that has come to visit proclaims that he has huge hands and feet and I swear that his big toe has just grown even more over the past day. His legs seem longer too. I won't be surprised if at the doctor's visit on Tuesday they have him weighing over 8 lbs. and measuring over 24 inches. Also his umby cord fell out today! Daddy Eddie noticed it while changing a diaper and I frantically made him search for the dried stump...we found it in little Eddie's sleep sack. Oh, time to go, growing boy waking from him slumber.

feeding frenzy

Eddie is officially a boob man. To say that breastfeeding has been easy for us is a partially correct statement - yes, he has a good latch, and yes, I didn't experience any painful engorgement, and yes, he is eating well - the visit to the pediatrician on Monday confirmed this as he is not only back to his birth weight, but has gained some weight too, weighing 7 lbs. 8 ozs. now. But the doubt and concern that races through a mother's mind as she is constantly attending to her newborn, appeasing his requests and signals of hunger - rooting, hands to mouth and fussing - with the presence of the boob has been growing these past few days and heeding advice from others ceases to quell the nerves and questioning. Some people say one breast per feeding, no matter if it takes 15 minutes or 60, and some say switch breasts every 15-20 minutes. Little Eddie often feeds for over an hour, relishing in the process like a true gourmand and at times it seems like all he wants is to be attached to my breast and nothing else can soothe him...I have become a human nipple. Finally this morning I picked up a book that provided some much needed comfort for my analytical mind - it is called "Breastfeeding Made Simple" by Nancy Mohrbacher and was a gift from my cousin Annie (thanks Annie!). The book explains several concepts that I think are key to understanding why a newborn is so needy and why what I am experiencing is not only "normal" but healthy. First, a human newborn is the most immature of all mammals - we are born before the brain has time to mature because of the relative size of the brain (large) to the pelvis (small) which is all due to the fact that we are upright creatures - this I had heard before and makes sense, explaining that the first 6 weeks of life are truly more like an extensive of in utero and we must mimic the womb in order to soothe the baby. But then she explains how humans fall under the category of "carry mammals," akin to kangaroos and apes, meaning that the infant, due to its immaturity, must literally be held and kept in skin-to-skin contact and must feed often due to our levels of protein and fat in milk - this differs from nesting, follow and cache mammals like dogs, cows and deer. So the whole attachment that I have been experiencing with Eddie makes sense. Secondly she explains how breastfeeding is not about a schedule which one can regulate or control, but more like ebbs and flows, and that your baby dictates it. So if he wants to feed 24/7 so be it. This is hard to accept in our culture and day and age of timetables and business...it is easy to think that a newborn would have a set eating and sleeping schedule and also to think that as parents you can dictate this, but once you understand that developmentally they are still like fetuses, you soon realize that to hold them to such standards is a bit ridiculous and naive. So for now we will just accept the feeding frenzy, and relish in this time of postpartum when all an infant needs is his parents. There is some comfort in this, knowing that life will change dramatically relatively quickly and before long he will be independent and defiant...and the doubt of parenthood will continue.

home sweet home

We came home from the hospital safely on Wednesday. I got choked up as we were walking out with baby Eddie secured in his car seat, marking our true transition into parenthood as we were about to be without the securities of trained nurses and doctors. The hospital stay was pretty posh - Northwestern Prentice is a new state of the art facility complete with plasma t.v.s, 24 hour room service and the best care imaginable. Our first night there we called the night nurse four times - when little Eddie's face got red and blotchy, when we were concerned he had mucous in his throat and when we just couldn't get the hang of swaddling and couldn't seem to soothe him enough to sleep - typical new parent cluelessness and naivete. But now we are home and are adjusting quite well, as is little Eddie. He hates to have his diaper changed and the piercing cry that accompanies this task makes a mother's heart break, so we often do it in stages - the petroleum jelly covered gauze for the circumcised penis, the dirty diaper change and then the clothes. And Eddie has a tendency to do that typical boy thing where he decides that during the diaper change is the best time to release a powerful spray of urine. So then the process begins all over again. We have had to wash the changing table pad cover twice now and have already done a load of laundry to clean his wet clothes. The process also gets accompanied by some soothing done by me and the nipple, so a feeding usually follows the process. And often along with the feeding comes a release of his prior feeding, meaning, he poops shortly thereafter changing the diaper, so, alas, we must return to the changing table. Thankfully Daddy Eddie is part of the process and willingly shares in the duties as we both struggle to hold back little Eddie's legs as he squirms and try to soothe him as he fuses. I truly believe that God makes new life possible only by the union between a man and woman because it literally takes 4 hands to care for a newborn. I pity and simultaneously admire those women throughout the ages who did not have help from their husbands...and I know there are many of them.

Another parenting topic we are already deeply acquainted with is sleep. When little Eddie was at the hospital he hardly slept during the night. Since we have gotten home, every day gets a little better but in general he dislikes being put down. At the hospital they swore by swaddling - securing the baby in blankets wrapped up like a burrito. But Eddie always seems to kick and squirm his way out, especially his hands, which he loves to play with and stick in his mouth. So we gave up on swaddling and he is much happier. The occasional scratch of the face occurs, but he nor we seems to mind. He likes sleeping in his Moses basket and loves his sling, but other items, such as the bassinet, the bouncy seat and swing are less soothing. And his placement of choice to sleep is on us - on a bare chest - or in our bed between us. So last night we had him in the bed with us exclusively and he slept great, waking up only at midnight and 4 a.m. and then not until 8:30 a.m. Those who are against co-sleeping, I understand your plea, but I will take you on in a debate...there is nothing more natural and sweeter than waking up with your whole family in one place. I especially love smelling my baby's morning breath, a smell akin to almond milk and lilies.

Today we made our first outing, traveling to the Green City Market, a farmer's market that we shop at every Saturday. He loved it! I had him in a sling and he slept the whole time as Grandma Lauer, Daddy Eddie and I shopped for fresh ingredients and enjoyed the warm summer day. It was great to be out and show him off to all of my market friends and farmers. Everyone was so complimentary and thrilled for us. Crazy that just a week ago we were at the market and Eddie was still inside of me and I was almost beginning to think that he would never come. Well, of course, he came...a day early actually...and we are just still in a state of bliss as we watch his every movement with wonderment and soak in the newness of each moment as only new parents can do.

my birth story

Well, as you will see from the last entry on August 17th, I had started to have a slight bloody show early in the day and had been having irregular cramps. The cramp-like feeling progressed in the evening and after dinner I told Eddie that I thought it could be happening - tonight could be a long, sleepless one. I took a shower and lost my mucous plug which really looked more like bloody chunks of skin...watching it wash away down the drain was bittersweet, because I knew it marked the beginning of your arrival. My contractions, which I would still describe as intense menstrual cramps as they were contained in my lower abdomen region, started to get regular around 10 p.m. and were quickly only about 8 minutes apart. At about 1 a.m. they got to be about 5 minutes apart so we called our doula, Peyton. Peyton came to our house and we all tried to sleep, knowing that it could still be days before your arrival, but it was evident that I wasn't going to be able to sleep. We labored at home, using effective breathing techniques, all morning. At about 8 a.m. we decided to take a walk outside and go over to the house of a neighboring midwife, Leslie. Leslie checked my cervix around 9 a.m. and announced that I was 5 cm. dilated and completely effaced. She then swept my membranes to successfully make labor progress. We decided to go to the hospital at 11 a.m. and when I arrived the staff was shocked that I was already at 7 cm. We got to our room and I quickly progressed into transition, or so I think because after 1 set of contractions, I threw up - vomiting is often a sign of transition, the final stage of labor. My position of choice during contractions was bent over onto a ledge (at home, my kitchen counter) and all I wanted was something cold on my neck, lower back and abdomen, but at this point I decided to try out the tub that we had requested be installed in the room. It was a large whirlpool like tub with water of approximately 100 degrees. The water felt great - even better was when Peyton would pour water over me during contractions. Then, they asked if I felt the urge to push and I said I thought I could. Dr. Chen assessed that I was ready and I got into the hospital bed and started to push, which was much more difficult than I thought it would be. But I had a hugely supportive team of my husband, Peyton, Dr. Chen, a studying midwife and the nurse Jaye who were all telling me how good I was doing and how baby was almost here. I also had created a pump-up mix - I had created several mixes to listen to throughout labor, a soothing one, one for active labor, for transition and for pushing. The "push" mix included songs like "Paradise" by the Bodeans, "I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor" by Artic Monkeys and "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. After only 25 minutes - felt more like 45 to me - you came out to "No East Way Out" from the Rocky IV soundtrack...only fitting as Dr. Chen announced that you were a boy and we knew we had Eddie IV! You were brought directly to my chest and we initiated breastfeeding - I was overwhelmed and kept saying, "it feels so surreal." Daddy Eddie felt an unbelievable surge of emotion...he watched the entire process and saw his son enter the world. We both felt this tremendous sense of gratitude to those who had helped us in this process, especially Peyton, and to the hospital staff for respecting our wishes to have a natural birth with no interventions. It was truly amazing that everything went as we had planned and desired - no IV, no drugs, only intermittent fetal heart monitoring which meant I was never hooked up to a machine and was free to roam, and ultimately that Eddie IV arrived healthy. We still feel so blissful, fortunate and grateful for the entire experience...one that we will undoubtedly never forget and will serve as a constant reminder of how truly miraculous and precious life is.

39 weeks

Well we are anxiously awaiting your arrival. Everyone, including us, who thought we were going to go early is surprised. But technically my due date is still a few days away. I have been having some signs of early labor. For the past week or so I have had intense cramps, typically at night from 9 p.m. to midnight. Starting yesterday, I started to feel a tad "off" - sort of flu-like and having to go to the bathroom a lot (as in number 2). This morning as well - have already gone to the bathroom twice and it is only 10 a.m. And I have a slight pinkish discharge, which is a sign of my cervix thinning and ripening. So, you are on your way! We are ready and waiting.

38 weeks

Last night I started feeling like you were dropping, getting lower into my pelvic region, preparring for birth. And I was having some cramp-like feelings, which could be the Braxton-Hicks (practice) contractions that people talk about. Went to the doctor this morning and he said that I have a 50/50 chance that I will be at my next appointment, which is next Monday, meaning that he thinks there's a pretty good chance you will arrive before then! Then I pressed him and said, come on, make it 60/40 and he said that if he had to put money on it, he would bet that I will go into labor sometime this week. Very exciting. Shortly after that I learned that the car seat we have is defective, so they had to order a new one, which will be here by the earliest on Thursday...and since we cannot leave the hospital without a car seat, this may be cutting it quite close. Other than that, we are ready and preparred for your arrival and cannot wait to meet you!

37 weeks

Waiting for signs that you are going to enter our world soon...went to the doctor today and I am 1.5 cm dilated and 30% effaced. Over the last few days I have started to feel not so great - nauseous in the mornings and evenings - sort of like the first trimester, when no food seems appealing and even minimal activity seems overwhelming. So maybe my body is starting to prepare for your arrival. Your heart rate is still in the 140s, and my iron level is well-above the danger zone - at 32 weeks it was sort of low (had to be 10.5 and was 10.4), so they gave me a prescription for an iron supplement, but when I filled it and received the pills, I noticed that they contained all these other ingredients, including the ubiquitous #4 red and #3 yellow...nasty fillers and GMO-ladden additives. So I opted instead to just try to eat more red meat. And, alas, today they re-tested my iron levels and it was 11.7. Just proves that a genuine diet is the solution to health, more so than supplements and pills. The furniture for your room comes tomorrow so it will be nice to create your space and feel your presence in our home. Still unpacking and waiting for deliveries of other furniture pieces so the house has a ways to go, but making progress.